To All The Ones Who Broke My Heart, I Don't Regret You, Not Now, Not Ever

Hey, it's me again.

I haven't seen or heard from you in what seems like forever, almost like it was a lifetime ago. Maybe you thought you wouldn't hear from me ever again. I don't live in the past anymore and have gotten to a place where I no longer expect to hear from you anymore.

So, I may never talk to you again, but that will be up to you.

But, here I am now that I have moved on to the next chapter of my life. What I thought I couldn't go on without I finally let go of. Thoughts of what was or what could've been no longer flood my mind like they used to.

I will no longer let myself think that I'm not enough to make you want to stay.

I trusted you with my stories, my vulnerability and the secrets tucked into the corners of my heart. I was an open book to you with my thoughts, feelings, past and the things that I couldn't even tell myself. The memories stay even when the person doesn't. Maybe you left so many with me because you knew I'd need something when you eventually left. I had moments only you understood.

Still, it didn't seem to make much of a difference to you.

We used to talk every day, then suddenly you started quickly fading from my life. Circumstances beyond our control got in the way, I know, but you didn't try much even after that. Few things can destroy hope in people more than when you feel invisible to the ones who mean the most to you. You just became another reason of why I have a hard time trusting people and letting them past my high, ivy-covered walls.

I am no longer where I used to be.

I've fought to get to where I am now. The past has built me to be softer and kinder I hope, instead of bitter and cold. The last few years have broken me, but I am now being put back together piece by piece. There are parts of the past that I don't know where they fit anymore and I'm still trying to figure it all out. I'm not where I'd like to be, but it's OK because I'm getting there.

I remember how we ended things.

I remember how long it's been since we've talked. I remember how we both hurt each other. I remember the past without you and I know what the present is like without you. Despite what we are and what we aren't, I still love you. Maybe deep down I always knew the truth of what would happen in the end but forced myself to not admit it. I found myself feeling the feelings that I tried so hard to hide. Even if I felt like I couldn't do it, I was left with no choice.

I had to move on from you.

But as a person, I still care about you and wish you the best in life even if it's without me. The memories we shared and the people we were to each other will always mean something. Even if we are better apart than together didn't make it easier to walk away from you.

If I ran into you today, I hope that I would see you living your best life like I am.

There was so much potential for us. Wherever you are, I hope you're happy and are doing what you always wanted to do. I want you to live your best life and enjoy the best days that are ahead of you.

You may not consider me a friend anymore, but know that I still consider you one.

Regardless of whether we get in contact again or are ever able to repair our relationship, I still look back on our time fondly. I've moved on, started to be fully present in the present and hope you have found it in your heart to do the same. You decided not to stay, but I'm actually OK with it now; you were an important chapter in my story even if I wasn't meant to stay on that page.