We’ve all been a “Convenience Friend” at one point or another, whether or not you call it by that name. You consider yourself friends with someone, but they never try to hang out or contact you at any time other than when they want to complain or have no one else to turn to. They only want you around when you’re useful to them, and they’ll string you along until you no longer have a purpose.
Unfortunately, I find myself in that situation quite often. And I’m tired of it.
I know that I’m the kind of person who wants to be needed, and wants to be a necessary part of other people’s lives. I give until I have nothing left, I exhaust my emotional and mental resources by taking care of others, and I desperately try to ‘prove myself.’ My natural empathy and bleeding heart have made me feel like I have to be everything to everyone so I’ll eventually find my place. In my mind, I’ve somehow gotten to this idea that I’ll finally find where I belong- where I can feel at home- by tearing myself into pieces to give to others. But every time a fair-weather friend vanishes after I’ve outgrown my usefulness, that mentality backfires. Instead of feeling good that I helped someone, I’m left with the self-doubt and guilt that comes with believing I’m not good enough. I think on it non-stop, asking myself why it happened, what I did wrong, and what I could’ve done to save the friendship. Thoughts of ‘maybe if I tried harder, or made myself available to help them more often, they would still want me around,’ are constantly running through my mind like a broken record, and the idea that it’s my fault eats me up inside. By tearing myself apart, I’m left with nothing but unusable pieces. But I know that I need to take a stand; it needs to stop now. My own wellbeing needs to come first.
After a lot of trial and error- ‘a lot’ being an understatement- I’ve discovered who does and doesn’t deserve to be in my life. I’ve seen that I’m not alone in this, and that while it may seem like an inevitable cycle, so many have broken it for good. And if others can shake the “Convenience Friend” title, then so can I.
I’m tired of giving the best of myself, only to get nothing in return. I’m tired of trying so hard to be exactly what others want, only to be replaced the minute I falter. Most importantly, I’m tired of never feeling good enough. I refuse to be used simply as a shoulder to cry on, an emotional crutch, an extra set of hands to do menial tasks, or a sympathetic listener, and be ignored the rest of the time. Whether it’s by friends, family, or people I consider mentors, I won’t allow myself to be walked all over. I don’t have the time nor the energy to cry over it anymore. This is where the tables turn- this is where I let them go.
