It’s that time of year again. College: a chance for some new beginnings. A new home. A new school. New friends. But with the welcome of each new beginning comes a mournful farewell of the past. It’s easy to embrace these changes when you’re saying goodbye to things like a six hour school day or having a curfew, but some changes have proved to be harder than others. One of the most difficult transitions is the cliche pre-college breakup. Having fallen victim to this twisted form of freedom, I know firsthand how confusing, difficult, and also enlightening this experience can be. Ten months, countless tears, and many pints of ice cream later, I am here to tell those going through a similar experience that it’s okay, and offer some (hopefully) helpful advice.

Trust your judgement.

Yes, a breakup is hard. And yes, you’re going to go back and forth about your decision. Was I too hard on him? Should we have stayed together? Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t let these seeds of self-doubt plant themselves in your mind, because they’re going to grow and grow until they consume you. You made the decision to break up, and you did it for a reason. Trust your instincts. It’s easy to romanticize the past and second guess your decision, but you wouldn’t have gone through the painful experience of a breakup if you didn’t know, deep down, that it was the right choice. If you’re so much as considering ending things for college, that should be a red flag that you’re not meant to be together. That’s not to discredit the relationship you built and the memories you shared, but if this guy really is (for lack of a better word) the “one”, so much so that you would give up your college experience for him, then you would know it without question.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

There are two types of girls during a breakup: either you brush your feelings aside and move on without so much as a single tear, or you binge eat Hershey Kisses while watching "Teen Beach Movie" through muffled sobs. Unfortunately for my ego, I was the latter. I felt disgustingly weak during this phase of the breakup, but the truth is, the ending of any meaningful relationship is extremely upsetting. However, do your best to make sure this phase doesn’t seep into your time at college. Although I understand what you’re going through, these new people at college won’t. Part of starting this new life at college is leaving parts of your old life behind. Don’t be the girl who gets the reputation for having boy drama. You’ll have so much going on, between making a first impression on your peers and struggling to adapt to new academic demands, you won’t even have time to spend mourning a high school relationship.

Know your reasoning.

When my high school relationship ended, it was because I knew that I couldn’t be fully present in this new chapter of my life if my mind was constantly elsewhere. I couldn't let myself embark on a college career with my head buried in my phone 24/7, and my mind back in my hometown with my high school boyfriend. That being said, if you’re considering breaking up for college, make sure that it’s not solely so you can go out and hook up with a different guy every night. You’re going to regret leaving an amazing relationship for the possibility of being with other guys, but you won’t regret it if you're ending it for yourself and the prospect of fully embracing your college experience, and the independence that comes along with it. Starting a new life at college is no small feat, and it’s even tougher when your time and energy is divided between living in the moment and dwelling on the past. It’s easy to feel guilty for choosing your own happiness over that of your partner, but if you know that the reasoning behind the breakup was mature, justifiable, and within your best interest, it’s that much easier to move on.

 Have no regrets.

You dated for a reason. You broke up for a reason. You learned a lot of lessons along the way, and that’s that. Don’t let the tough times of the breakup tarnish the memories you shared. A first reaction to a breakup is usually thinking that you’ve wasted your time on someone, but don’t let that concern so much as creep into your head. It’s all too common to buy into the idea that significant others are utterly replaceable; however, treating people who were once important to you as intrinsically valuable makes separation painful but also more meaningful. Time is not wasted if you learn something. A high school relationship’s purpose is to teach you something, and these lessons overshadow whether or not the relationship is meant to last. The process of being in a relationship teaches valuable lessons about yourself: what you want in a partner, how you deal under pressure, how much you can commit yourself to someone, what brings out the best in you. You also learn the ins and outs of what it’s like to be with someone. You make mistakes, as does anyone, and you learn from them so that your next relationship can be that much better. If you live your life with regret, you’ll never get over it. And if that’s not enough to sell you on the idea of living with no regrets, just think: you’re one heartbreak closer to finding the relationship that’s meant to be.

Find Closure.

The idea of breaking up for college makes it difficult to find closure. If you were cheated on, it’s easy to say this guy is gross, I don’t want to be with him anyway. If you just lost feelings, you could move on by thinking well, guess it just wasn’t meant to be. But college is different. A relationship ending purely on circumstance rather than the relationship itself ends everything with a question mark. But keep in mind, everything happens as it’s meant to happen. Like I said before, if this guy really is the one, so much so that you would give up your college experience for him, then you would know it without question.The toughest part of any breakup is deciding what to do next. Can we be friends? Should we stay in touch? Is getting back together a possibility? No, no, and no. You both need time to yourselves and learn how to stand alone before diving in to some sort of friendship. One day finding a friendship beneath the rubble of the breakup would be ideal, but one day- not too soon. At this stage in the breakup, emotions are raging and tempers are flaring, and it’s all too easy to let the good memories fall on the back burner as jealousy and confrontation become growing issues. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a culprit of getting sucked into this stage of the breakup myself, but that’s why there’s comfort in sharing my experiences, to also help others avoid my own mistakes. End the relationship with a mutual respect for one another, and the closure will come with time. Force the relationship to drag on longer than it should, and you’ll do nothing but prolong the pain.

Today you’re crying over a boy while stuffing your face with chocolate and feeling pathetically alone. A year from now, you’ll be home for your first summer post-college, enjoying time with your friends and family, and only thinking of your ex when his name pops up on your newsfeed. Ten years from now, you’ll be on track to be married and have a family, and this summer and this boy and this heartbreak will be nothing but a distant memory, one that you’ll look back on and laugh about how much you let it get to you. The heartbreak will hurt, but like anything, you will get through it. Focus on your academics. Your friends. Yourself. There is such an empowering feeling to the freedom of college, take advantage of it. And if that doesn’t work, some Hershey’s Kisses and a little "Teen Beach Movie" never hurt anyone.