A Semi-Satirical Guide To Surviving Ithaca's Heatwave

A Semi-Satirical Guide To Surviving Ithaca's Heatwave

Heat in these parts is getting wild (thanks global warming!) so it's imperative to your college success that you follow (some of) these tips to survive in this weather.

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1. Stay Hydrated

This one is actually important , because water keeps your organs in working order.

2. Always Keep Ice Cubes with You

At least you'll have an excuse for those sweat stains! (Don't do this one, its gross)

3. Wear Lighter Clothes

The darker the clothes the more heat absorbed, thus making you hotter. Sorry, those dark-washed jeans are gonna have to wait until fall.

4. Stare Directly at the Sun

Research from a credible source states that staring at the sun raises Vitamin D levels. (WARNING WARNING THIS WAS A POOR ATTEMPT AT HUMOR, DO NOT STARE AT THE SUN!)

5. Use Aloe Vera

Aloe vera contains high amounts of vitamins and minerals which helps in the skin's healing process.

6. Wear Sunglasses

Just not indoors.

7. Wear Some Sunscreen

I don't care how invincible you think you are, put on some hecking sunscreen.

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75 Of The Most Iconic Vine Quotes

"I smell like beef"

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Vine may be dead but Vine references live on. I still watch Vine threads AT LEAST twice a day. Here are 75 of the most quotable vines:

1. "Ooooooo, he needs some milk."

2. "Hi, welcome to Chili's."

3. "It is Wednesday, my dudes."

4. "Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh..."

5. "Escalera oooooooaaaa!"

6. "F**k ya chicken strips!"

7. "Barbecue sauce on my titties."

8. "Gimme your F**KING money!"

9. "That was legitness."

10. "Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king God, she f**king dead."

11. "Fre-sha-vocado."

12. "Staaaahp! I coulda dropped my croissant!"

13. "That's my OPINION."

14. "You're not my dad, ugly ass f**king noodle head."

15. "What the f**k, Richard."

16. "This bitch empty, YEET!"

17. "Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does."

18. "What up, I'm Jared I'm 19, and I never f**king learned how to read."

19. "Um, I'm never been to oovoo javer."

20. "My God, they were roommates."

21. "Why are you running, why are you running?"

22. "Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe."

23. "I can't swim."

24. "Lebron James."

25. "It's an avocado, thanksssss..."

26. "Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick."

27. "Watch your profanity."

28. "I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch."

29. "What are thoooooose?"

30. "I smell like beef."

31. "You better stop."

32. "What the F**K IS UP KYLE?"

33. "Come get y'all juice."

34. "Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they're not gay."

35. "So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?"

36. "I wanna be a cowboy, baby."

37. "Why you always lying?"

38. "Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh, what, am I not allowed to sneeze?"

39. "I'm washing me and my clothes."

40. "Honey, you've got a big storm coming."

41. "XOXO, gossip girl."

42. "Shoutout to all the pear."

43. "A potato flew around my room before you came."

44. "Chipotle is my life."

45. "Look at all those chickens!"

46. "YOU BETTER STOP."

47. "I like turtles."

48. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life, watermelon, INSIDE A WATERMELON."

49. "Deez nuts, HA GOT EM?"

50. "F**k you, I don't want no ravioli."

51. "21."

52. "I'm in my mum's car, broom broom."

53. "Iridocyclitis."

54. "You know what, I'm about to say it."

55. "That is NOT correct."

56. "Uh, I'm not finished" "Oh my God, can you let me do what I need to do?"

57. "I have osteoporosis."

58. "ADAM."

59. "Merry Chrysler."

60. "Wait a minute, who ARE you?"

61. "Try me, bitch."

62. "When will you learn, THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?"

63. "I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me!"

64. "Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no?"

65. "So no head?"

66. "You got eczema."

67. "I am shooketh."

68. "Hey my name is Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow."

69. "Can I PLEASE get a waffle?"

70. "There is only one thing worse than a rapist." "A child."

71. "Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this."

72. "Bitch, I hope the f**k you do."

73. "Two shots of vodka."

74. "F**k off Janet, I'm not going to your f**king baby shower."

75. "JEEEEEZ, Jesus Christ."

Cover Image Credit:

Vine/Katie Ryan

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10 Problems Girls With THICK Hair Always Get Tangled Up In

"Wow, you have so much hair!"

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When you have thick hair, you're very well aware of all the problems that come with it. For those of you who do not have thick hair, here are just 10 things people with thick hair have to go through.

1. You always feel hot because your hair is just SO thick 

On the plus side, our hair can be used as ear muffs when it's cold. On the down side, summer (and "spring" and "fall" if you live in the south).

2. Shedding 

How'd that hair get there?! No one knows.

3. You go through ponytail holders like nobody's business 

Have you ever broken a ponytail holder the FIRST time you tried to use it? Well, thick-haired people have.

4. Don't even bother brushing 

If you have thick AND curly hair like moi, brushing is NOT an option unless your hair is wet.

5. Speaking of wet hair...

Oh, you want your hair DRY? Good luck with having dry hair after you shower. It'll be a while.

6. Want to dye your hair?

Be prepared to spend all day at the hair salon. You have to go through ROUNDS of bleach before you can even start to color your hair. And also be prepared to shell out at least $100.

7. You have to style you hair in LAYERS 

You'd be better off just putting it in a ponytail and calling it a say. Ain't nobody got time for that!

8. Short hair? Good luck!

Having short thick hair, while taking less time to wash, is even EXTRA thick because the curls have nowhere to go.

9. Long hair? In summer?

If you've ever had long thick hair, you'll know that summertime is the. Absolute. Worst. You're sweating not even five seconds of being outside and the frizz. Oh my goodness, the frizz.

10. Headaches 

With you hair being on top of your head all the time, headaches are a natural occurrence.

On the plus side, my hairdresser always says "wow your hair is so thick!"

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