Swipe after Swipe.

Match after match.

In the past couple of years, I've come to know a countless number of guys on Tinder.

All wonderful men who brought unique and interesting platters to my dinner table.

But at the end of the day, none of these "wonderful" Tinder potentials ever stuck around for dessert.

Therefore, the app never had me feeling full.

So...feeling lonely and verging the age of 20, I became desperate for a full course meal and a man to share it with.

This was when I dusted off my thinking cap and went to work, analyzing all of my "failures".

After restless nights and intense research, it hit me like fireworks in the night sky.

There's a pattern to these "Tinder men".

Below, my fabulous readers, is the product of my first-hand research on Tinder "fuckboys".

Stage One:

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Well obviously... it all begins when you swipe right and get a match.

Then the potential "man of your dreams" messages you and the conversation begins.

I usually pick favorites on my Tinder list placing certain men on priority.

Now, what qualities must a man have to reach "priority" level?

Well, it all depends.

For me, I prefer handsome, cultured, respectable, and witty men.

If you can at least make me laugh by just glaring at the glass cell phone screen then congrats you're on to stage two.

Stage Two:

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This stage begins when he asks for your number (or you can ask for his).

Then you guys begin texting.

In the beginning, there is A LOT of texting.

In the morning he'll send you a good morning text. Or he'll send you a cute little snap and you'll smile excited to get to know this cutie behind the screen.

After the first week, the "honeymoon" phase starts slowing down. Here comes stage 3.

Stage Three:

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Texting becomes less.

He'll start apologizing for being inactive on his phone.

You begin to wonder if he's even worth the 3-hour text intervals.

But, when you're about to drop him, a text will come up with his name on it.

Stage Four:

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Needing to let go.

Most of my online flings stayed online and if they ever became real I still ended up doing the same thing.

After days of wondering what the hell happened to this guy, you begin to search for others.

In the meantime, you stop texting him and stop slapping him.

If they let you go then it's over.

No more dreaming of Mr. Perfect, your future children, and your subpar lives living in suburbia.

It's alright because once you find your next fling, you'll begin to forget about the last.

Till then, have fun staying half-full.