My first year of college has come to an end, and I can't believe it because I still feel and act like a freshman in high school (my roomies and the friends I made this year can attest). Once summer break arrives, family and friends back at home are always asking the "dreaded question" (dreaded for me, anyways): So, how was school? Me being the messy-minded person I am, I never really know how to respond at the time because a flood of contradictory emotions swells through me. I hated it. No, I loved it. What about that time when-? Thus, I find it hard to describe my first year of college with just one word, so I am going to let Spongebob Squarepants' experiences in Bikini Bottom do it for me.

1) Me getting dressed for classes

Ah, the first day. I was so determined to look good. This was the day where all that shopping for back-to-school clothes would pay off. I would dress up, show my professors I care, make good first impressions, etc. Initially, I had planned to continue this as long as possible. It lasted about a week, or so. Long enough, right? From there on, my appearance got progressively worse as my motivation declined. I barely had enough energy to get out of bed for class, so no way, José was I going to use the little energy I did have to choose a nice outfit. No, I was not sporting solely underwear by the last day of freshmen year but in comparison to my first-day outfit, I might as well have been.

2) The process of making friends

I would love to say this went smoothly, that it's as easy for me to make friends as it is for me to spell my own name. It didn't (and by the way, I forget how to spell my name sometimes so that probably wasn't the best comparison...oops). Holing one's self up in one's room like I did towards the beginning of the year proooobably isn't the best way to make friends, but I had this really unhealthy "I'd rather be lonely by my own volition than try to make friends and fail miserably" mentality. Luckily, I lived in a quad, so I wasn't that alone after all. One day, two of roomies and I were eating together and I complained about not having friends. My tough-love roommate then asked me, "So, what are we?," referring to herself and the blonde girl beside her. I had to stop and think. We were eating together, right? We talked about things, some of them personal, yeah? And even though we were roommates, it's not like they were obligated to eat with me. Oh, I thought to myself, it looks like I do have friends after all. Haha.

3) Whenever I had to write an essay for English or a lab report for chemistry

Needless to say, my brain does not work well under pressure.

4) The first time I cried in front of someone

This was embarrassing, but I'm an extremely emotional person so it was bound to happen eventually. I felt really bad for my roommate, though. It must have been awkward, but she handled it pretty well and even made me feel better with some words of comfort. Unfortunately, that was not the last time I cried in front of someone during freshmen year. I had many a tear-filled days. Stupid emotions. *sighs*

5) My love life (or lack thereof)

There were boys. Some were smart, funny, and cute. Did anything happen between one of them and me? Nope, but I've accepted that it's okay (well, not completely but I'm working on it)! That didn't stop me from pulling a Patrick on Valentine's Day, though. Okay....well, it wasn't to that extreme. I was a bit grumpy, but I had chocolate so it was chill.

6) Late night mid-midlife crises

I go to a school full of smart people. Like, really smart people. Almost everyone I know is an engineer who takes, like, 16-18 credits per semester. Meanwhile, I could barely keep up with my 13 the first semester and my 10 the second semester because I was stressing about work instead of doing work, and when I wasn't stressing, I was sleeping. I continuously questioned if I am worthy of being at this school where everyone seemingly has 4.0's and does research and extracurriculars whereas all I do is breathe, sleep, and cry (my three talents). When I couldn't sleep because of my cruel, restless brain, I was freaking out about how I'm probably not going to graduate college and will have to live in a box for the rest of my life. It wasn't fun.

7) Getting through Dead Week

The library was full of people, their eyes glued either to books or computer screens. Finding study space was ridiculously difficult. I eventually gave up and settled for my dorm room, my sanctuary of the year. Staying up until the wee hours of the morning became more common, so seeing familiar faces at the dining hall past 2:00 a.m. was comforting; we were all in this together, putting in the effort necessary to reach the stars. I feed off the energy of others, so watching everyone work hard motivated me to push through!

8) Me when finals arrived

Honestly, finals week should be called Dead Week because that's how I felt by the time it got here. As much as I would have liked to sleep through my finals, I kind of need to graduate college, and I hadn't studied during Dead Week just to fail, so with broken brain, glassy eyes, and pencil in hand, I took my exams, reminding myself that once they were done I would be free until next August.

9) Move-out

I've fallen in love with this university. That love hits me at the worst moments, like move-out. Move-out was supposed to be a beautiful, happy time. The school year is done, hooray! I can go home and see family and friends now. Instead, I kept thinking about all the new friends I won't see for three months. Because many of them had shared the same dorm with me, it felt like I was leaving family behind (not that my family or friends at home aren't great). Tech is a high-stress environment, but I have grown to love it because it has made me push myself, and the friends I've made along the way are so passionate about what they want to do. They are also extremely supportive. Being in such an environment makes me want to be a better student, better person, and reach the finish line with them. I can't wait to be reunited next fall!