To be honest, to whoever started the whole cooler painting thing -- I don't know if you're just really awesome or if you are actually Satan. You started this terrible tradition of painting coolers. And, for what? For boys who are going to drunkenly destroy them after they consume all the alcohol we put inside our painstaking works of art.

I love painting and volunteer to do crafts for my sisters all the time, but something about coolers drives me insane. It starts out with so much excitement, and then goes bad so quickly.

Timeline:

4 weeks before event:

• I am so freaking excited about this cooler! I have so many ideas. This is gonna be awesome.
• I have to create a Pinterest board for this.
• That design looks really cool -- it might take a while to paint, but I have plenty of time.
• Okay, well I actually have a lot of stuff due this week, so I'll start next week when I have more time.

3 weeks before the event:

• I should probably go get the cooler and supplies to do this…
• Wait, what, do I even need to do this?
• A cooler is like $20 so I'll probably only need to budget about $40 total on this.
• *Checks Cooler Connection for Supplies Advice* WHY?! Why do I need this much paint? A paintbrush just for modge podge? Or is it mod podge? Three types of sealant? WTF?!
• How does one use spackle?
• I just spent $80 at Hobby Lobby for this thing… this is psychotic.
• I can't even with this right now. I'll work on it later.

2 weeks before event:

• Oh crap, I really need to start this thing. Okay, time to sand this cooler.
• Ten minutes into sanding. Time to hire someone to sand this cooler.
• Prime, prime, prime.
• Why did igloo feel the need to put a logo on every single side of this cooler? Spackle, spackle, sand, spackle, sand.
• Okay, I painted the base colors. I've made some really solid progress. This is good. I've earned a break.

5 days before event:

• Okay, I have each side planned out. I'm practically done. The Great Gatsby print is pretty intimidating, but it's fine.
• Cooler Connection said that I'm supposed to wait 24 hours between each layer... No.
• Wait, there is supposed to be a layer of Mod Podge between each layer of paint?
• No, no I'm not doing that. I don't have time for that.
• This is intolerable.
• Maybe if I just drink a few glasses of wine and watch Netflix while I do this it will go easier.
• This side looks good right? Yeah, that looks awesome. I'm freaking Michelangelo. This is the Mona Lisa of coolers. Van Gogh? Psh, amateur.

4 days before event:

• OH MY GOD, WHAT DID I DO? This looks terrible. What was I thinking?
• Do I sand it off and start over?
• Do I keep it as a joke?
• I SPELLED HIS LAST NAME WRONG. I SPELLED MY FREAKING BOYFRIENDS LAST NAME WRONG.
• Did I paint a beer tap or a penis? That looks so wrong…
• Quick, post in Cooler Connection for ideas on how to salvage this.

3 days before event:

• Okay, I still have three sides to do… Maybe I should simplify designs…
• And I still have to do the corners.
• Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
• If I have to repaint this freaking design one more time, I'm going to go postal.
• Honestly, do I even want to go to this formal that badly?
• I'm over it. I need sleep. I hate this thing. Only one can survive this: it's me or the cooler.

2 days before event:

• Just going to make some final touches and paint the corners -- then I'm done and I can relax.
• ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I just messed up the whole side.
• Sobs for thirty minutes and shoots dirty glares at cooler. 
• Okay, I'm calm now. I can fix this. Almost done. This is cool.
• Okay, now just to seal this thing.
• Group text to roommates: NO ONE TOUCH MY COOLER ON PAIN OF DEATH. It's drying.

1 day before event:

• Okay, it's almost dry.
• Time to stock this baby up.
• I can't go cheap on the whiskey. That's a no-no.
• Okay, well between the cooler and its contents, I just spent more than a month's worth of dues. SWWEEEETTTTT.

Morning of event:

• I'm so excited to give him this cooler.
• It looks so good.
• I'm a master artist.
• I have to post this in the Cooler Connection. GLORIFY MY ART AND BE JEALOUS.
• Hehe 300 likes.
• “Please be careful carrying that babe."
• ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I JUST SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE ON THAT AND YOU CHIPPED IT IN 30 MINUTES???????
• I'm never doing this again. Ever. Like, never ever.