In retrospect, the past year of my life has been an eventful one: I studied abroad, I visited six countries, I jumped off a bridge, I hiked 18-miles, I went on a mission trip, I completed two semesters, I worked two jobs, I took an online class, I drove over 11,000 miles and I've officially started my fourth and final year at Franciscan University - all in the span of twelve months.
The past year of my life was go, go, go with the past two months in particular being practically non-stop. Working two jobs, I spent a vast majority of my waking hours at work, in the library, or somewhere in-between. It often felt like I was only ever home long enough to sleep, shower, and eat (if I was lucky.) On more than one occasion, I went days without seeing the family members that I shared a home with.
"School will feel like a break to you given the summer you've had," my mom remarked to me one day. I agreed with her.
Thus, when the time came to make the 647-mile trek from home to Steubenville, Ohio, I was ready. Admittedly, I struggled to wrap my head around the fact that I was preparing to head into my final year at Franciscan when I could remember meeting some of my closest friends during Orientation Week like it was yesterday, but I convinced myself I was ready.
It came as a surprise to me then, to arrive on campus, to move in to my apartment, to catch up with friends, and to start classes only to find myself in a heady funk. I was late to my first class, I lost my phone the first day of classes, I struggled to focus in class, and I struggled to recall and perform once-simple procedures for work.
I threw in the towel, kicked my feet up, and called my best friend.
"It's weird," I told her. "I was so busy this summer, and I was so ready to be done with everything, but now that I'm here, I just... I'm already exhausted." I was struggling to find the words to explain what I was feeling, but she understood anyway.
I felt guilty admitting that I was exhausted - especially considering the fact that just three weeks ago an hour of free time was akin to a diamond in the rough - but it was the truth.
I hashed it out with her for a few more minutes, attempting to articulate my feelings until she ultimately pegged it.
"Well, maybe that's it," she suggested, "You were so busy, and now you're not, and it's a really big adjustment,"
The fog lifted. I'm honestly surprised that trumpets didn't sound somewhere. It made sense. While I was used to - and had experienced - the difficult transition from a slow summer to a busy semester, the transition from a busy summer to a (comparatively) slow semester was a completely different ballgame.
I once had a professor accuse me of having too much time on my hands. I lied and told him that wasn't true, reluctant to give up Netflix for a potentially (read: definitively) healthier habit. I'm realizing now that he was right. He warned me that having too much time on my hands was not a good thing, and it took me two months of being nonstop to understand and to realize why. The time I waste takes away from the time I spend being productive. I didn't have time to waste this summer, and as a result, it was my most productive summer in twenty-one years. Even the time I spent watching Netflix at the end of a long shift ended up being productive if only because it helped me unwind and decompress before bed.
These past few weeks, I've had time to waste, and I've done just that: wasted it. The time I've spent watching Netflix has served no purpose other than occupying the hours between classes and dinner or dinner and bedtime. It hasn't helped me untangle my brain after a long and stressful shift. It hasn't helped me forget my coworkers' drama and gossip. It hasn't helped me ward off dreams of taking orders and busing tables. It has been a definitive waste of my time.
Therefore, I've decided to make a conscious effort to spend those precious hours between classes, dinner, and bedtime studying, praying, exercising, cooking, cleaning, and whatever else it takes to turn Netflix and napping back into small luxuries that serve a purpose rather than soul-sucking, funk-inducing, time-killers.
