"Growing up is hard. But the carousel never stops turning. You can't get off the ride." - Ellis Grey
Time never stops driving us to proceed onwards, even when we feel unprepared or afraid for what is to come. The tide propels us forward, forcing us to jump bigger waves when we would prefer to continue swimming in the familiar shallows. There is no controlling the gravitational attraction between the Earth, the sun and the moon. Despite our hesitance and mourning of the past, we cannot refuse growth. The progression of time is constant and there is no escape from the inevitable. Moving on. Growing up. Aging. Making new discoveries and losing things in the process.
When I was two years old, I roared with laughter at knock-knock jokes, and pinky swears held the promise of contracts. It was then that freedom and independence held less value than the safety I felt in my car seat from the big scary world. I would ask my mother to help buckle my heavy seatbelt, and I would watch as raindrops hit the windowpane while pretending each drop was racing to get to the other side. Popping bubble wrap and crunching leaves beneath my light-up sneakers made me feel elated and entertained. I played make believe and would try to fight the urge to drift into sleep, all so that I could catch the tooth fairy in the act.
When I was four the unknown possibilities of the world made me curious and excited to exist in such a wondrous, unexplored place. This is when my small but inquisitive mind was preoccupied with questions like how the sun became the sun and how dinosaurs once walked the same Earth but went extinct. The scientists were figuring it out, I was told. I wanted to be a scientist and solve the mysteries of the world too.
When I was five I would play pretend and dream of flying to the moon or becoming an Olympic gold medalist. It was then that I looked back at my parent's tear stained faces while entering the big yellow school bus. I imagined a world bigger than the one I lived in. There was a routine to be followed before grade K, beyond deciding what games I wanted to play or if I were in the mood to go to the park.
When I was ten, I began to roll my eyes and giggle at the silly jokes and dreams. I felt embarrassed when my parents kissed me goodbye. Racing Nicki to the tire swing and starting a detective club after school made us burst into laughter.
When I was 11, I questioned if I was “too old” to go trick-or-treating. This is when I handed in the note that my mother signed to the fifth-grade teacher, proving that I could have a play date at Jesse's after school. I sprang out of bed each morning at 6 a.m. to be sure there was time to play club penguin and Webkinz before the bus came. This is the age where we all craved daylight because we were in love with being alive.
When I was 13, I slept until awoken by my beeping alarm clock, rolling over with my face into my pillows, afraid to get to school. My day started with the slamming of lockers and the ringing of the bell. Conversations would be had about the immense homework load and complaints about that one teacher everyone couldn't stand. Stress and unnecessary drama would appear between friend groups. Grades and responsibilities hung over us. Judging-but-scared thirteen-year-old eyes would lock with mine as we tried to deal with the whispers and pressures of adolescence.
When I was 14, my father drove my friends and me to the movies, and then they slept over to gossip about the girls in our grade. Saying ridiculous things to strangers on a dare was hilarious and going to the mall alone was an adventure. The world was full of possibilities. In the summer, I pushed my friends into the pool and watched new "Degrassi" episodes.
When I was 16, I understood loss, among other things. The dark days of high school were spent wishing for graduation. But despite the hardships during these very trying years, there were many beautiful memories as well. Senior assassins, prom, the late nights with friends and getting Ben & Jerry's after school.
I am 19 now, and life was certainly easier as a child. While I feel extremely nostalgic looking back, I am grateful for the journey that led me to where I am now. One day we're going to be ninety years old and look back on today. Chances are we will miss these moments as we miss the moments of our younger years.
We can spend our time missing the past or wishing for the future, or we can learn to enjoy the ride and learn from the bumps along the way. There is no escaping time, but perhaps we will learn through growth. We will create new memories. We will have new experiences to love. It is terrifying to look back and terrifying to look forward. But we will make important discoveries about ourselves, and the life we live through this inescapable phenomenon that is time.
