I'm reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot right now who is, in my opinion, the most profound and beautifully spoken follower of Christ. I have seen her quotes for awhile now, but I finally decided to break down and actually read one of her many books. I went into LifeWay and asked where to find one, I was directed to the relationship section, my immediate response was: OK, never mind, I don't want to anymore. But, the sweet woman helping me was so eager to show me, so I followed. She handed me one of only two books by her they had in the store, it was called, "Passion and Purity."

Let me set the scene for you, if being located in the relationship section wasn't bad enough, it had a picture of a young couple riding a bike on the front and was paired next to a book called "How to Love Your Singleness."

Everything in me was screaming to stop drop and roll on out of LifeWay, but something stopped me. Curious. I sat down on the floor, crossed my legs and opened the book. Five pages in and I was hooked. This woman was screaming the words of my heart. She was fierce and intelligent and presenting matters of her own heart, that fit mine like a glove. Here I was sitting in the relationship isle, surrounded by "how to" books, longing to get every word of this book into my mind.

Needless to say, I left LifeWay with the book in my hand; it has been a read that I didn't want to read too fast, I wanted it to last. But at the same time, I wanted to soak in all of the wisdom she had to offer.

"I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by his making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what His disciples to pray: Thy will be done."

This quote from the book is one that I want to read over and over. She loved Jesus, but she did it in a way that was unlike the love I see for him in my own life at times. She knew her heartaches, her trials, her upsets and setbacks here all achieving something so much greater than the temporary saddness she was feeling, they were deep spiritual lessons. It is only by those that we can surrender ourselves enough to finally pray what He wants for us.

I am selfish. I want what I want and I am good at masking that for His will, without actually asking for what it is. I am in a situation right now where he has broken me down enough to make it impossible for me to pray anything but His will. I have been in a knot of emotions and confusion, trying to seek Him and feeling like I am coming up short, like my prayers are falling on deaf ears.

None of that is truth — it is the devils way of placing lies within me, but it's with this time of silence and uncertainty that I have learned what it means to actually pray for His will and not my own. I have learned that it has nothing to do with a quicker answer or even a more logical one, It comes with a lot of tough nights on your knees, surrendering every plan and dream you ever had, knowing that in that time of desperation he is going to meet you where you are and put you in a place that gives him the most glory.

Our deepest moments of uncertainty are never not paired with his love. His love that went to the cross for us is the same love that bends down to sit with us on the nights we just don't understand what He wants us to do. We can trust that He is there, he is there to comfort us, not to give us the answers right away. Because if he did that, we would miss out on the growth he wants to pull out of us.

I have found these moments in my life to be the sweetest moments. Knowing that my savior loves me enough to make plans for me that far exceed my expectations. That he loves me so much to not just place them in my life because he knows that for me to be ready for them. He must use these moments to shape and mold me into the person that is going to step into these plans, a person that is more like Him, a person that is ready to give Him and Him alone the glory.

This isn't the last time I am going to feel uncertain — I know there are many days ahead where the confusion I face seems more like a burden than any type of blessing. But I want to look at it with a heart set on him that is eager to say great is thy faithfulness.