When my mom would tell me not to sing Nelly’s, “Country Grammar” in front of my friends and their parents, I didn’t fully understand why. Maybe she didn’t like my singing, I don’t know. How was I supposed to know that, “Light it up and take a puff, pass it to me now,” isn’t exactly appropriate for a six year old to be belting out? It happened again when I was in sixth grade. I was listening to my iPod and my mom wanted to hear the song that was playing. It just so happened to be “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent. My mom snatched my iPod out of my hand and my God I have never seen a woman move so fast in my life. That song was deleted in .0002 seconds and I was left wondering why the hell my mom would delete a song about candy. Ah, to be young and naïve.
A lot of the songs you probably listened to had a very obvious sexual innuendo, or were talking about some explicit material you didn’t make a connection to when you were younger, simply because you didn’t know what to connect it to. Things were more literal -- a.k..a his “lollipop” was actually cherry flavored and I did want a taste of what he got because cherry is actually my favorite flavor. You could imagine my face when my best friends older sister told me what that lollipop actually was. I went through my old iTunes library and picked out some of the dirtiest songs I used to listen to as a kid.
"Digital Get Down" by 'N'Sync.
“I lose my mind just when you're speaking' I see you on the screen, I get to freakin."
Um, on the screen? Like, computer screen? This song is about cybersex, people! I was singing about cybersex when I was five. Let that sink in.
"Lady Marmalade" byChristina Aguilera , Lil Kim, Mya, Pink, Missy Elliott.
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir. Voulez vous coucher avec moi."
The polite way of asking someone if they will sleep with you tonight. No wonder I failed middle school French class.
"The Call" by Backstreet Boys.
"I was about to go home and there she was standing in front of me. Said 'Hi, I got a little place nearby, wanna go?', I should have said 'No, someone's waiting for me"
A song about cheating and lying to your girlfriend. Clear example of why our generation's dating culture is corrupt.
"La La" by Ashlee Simpson.
"You make me wanna la la, in the kitchen on the floor. I'll be a French maid, where I'll meet you at the door."
TBT to back in the good ole days when role playing meant dressing up as my favorite Disney princess.
"Work It" by Missy Elliot.
"If you got a big d*** let me search you, and find out how hard I gotta work you."
Little Alyson Stoner absolutely slays in this music video, and she's only 10 years old. As an eight year old in hip hop classes she was my absolute idol and if Alyson was dancing to Missy Elliott talking about some guys, well, assets -- so was I.
"Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera.
"If you wanna be with me, baby there's a price to pay. I'm a genie in a bottle you gotta rub me the right way."
Shocker, I know, Christina isn't actually a genie in a bottle. She actually just wants you to rub her lady parts. Having uncomfortable flashbacks of singing this in front of my first grade teacher during recess.
And last, but not least, my personal favorite.
"Liquid Dreams" by O-Town.
"Every night she comes to me and gives me all the love I need... I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child. Just a little touch Madonna's wild style, with Janet Jackson's smile, throw in a body like Jennifer's. You've got the star of my liquid dream.
If you're a little slow and not catching on yet, let me help you out. This song is about wet dreams. Boys having wet or liquid dreams about their idea of the most beautiful woman. First of all, gross; second of all isn't this embarrassing? I think there was a rumor in middle school that a kid had a wet dream about this girl in class and everyone called him a creep and threw spitballs at him. One word for this song -- gross.
