THE WAIT IS OVER.
The title sequence is always creepier than the show itself.
God bless this cast.
I feel like I'm watching Forensic Files or something with these dramatic reenactments.
Is the whole season going to be like this?
Bring back Lana Winters.
I'm sorry but I can't with her ugly crying. I've never been able to.
Aw, wow, he woke up when you touched him. #romantic
This isn't scary, this is just sad.
Bad things always happen when you move into the woods.
Even worse things happen when you move into an old abandoned farmhouse.
The cinematography in this show is incredible.
It took me this long to realize that's Cuba Gooding Jr.
It only took us ten minutes to get to the first sex scene, I think that's a record.
Never answer the door in the middle of the night.
That's what you get for living on a farm.
This looks like a scene from Jurassic Park.
Hail's about to bust through your skylight, girl.
Oh wait...that doesn't look like hail...
IT'S RAINING TEETH?????
Cute Uggs, Shelby. What is this, 2008?
I want an empty room where I can do yoga.
Is this homage to Murder House?
Everyone knows the first rule of surviving horror movies is NOT saying, "Hello? Is anyone there?"
There's no way that old farmhouse came with a hot tub.
I bet there's something in that tub.
Knew it.
Commercial breaks really take away from the show. This is why I usually wait until the season is on Netflix.
I don't like this cop's tone.
I love the term, "ZZ Top wannabes."
A dead pig on the porch. Classic.
You moved to the south, dude. You're gonna have to get used to white trash gangs.
YES, ANGELA BASSETT!
When I grow up, I want to be as badass as Angela Bassett's characters.
Maybe not this specific one, though...
If you hear a noise in your house, don't put the butcher knife down and walk away from it...it's like she's never done this before.
THAT'S WHY you don't put the knife down!
She sure does drink a lot of wine.
I need a GIF of Angela Bassett saying, "mama's still packin'."
Uh oh, here comes the white trash gang.
Why would you walk down to the basement without some form of self-defense?
An old, creepy home movie on an old, creepy TV. How original.
It's like Bigfoot, but the pig version.
So now not only do we have a white trash gang, we have pig-people.
Listen to your wife and move out of the house.
Imagine if all dramatic reenactments were this in-depth and intense.
JESUS WHAT DID SHE JUST HIT WITH HER CAR.
Oh, it was just Kathy Bates.
Good plan, follow the strange woman into the dark forest.
Why is the ground breathing...
That's...that's it?
SUMMARY: I am thoroughly unimpressed. This episode wasn't awful, but a lot of it was very predictable and over-used. This seemed just like any other run-of-the-mill horror movie. I'm still unsure of the theme of this season, and because I'm a true fan, I'll keep watching. Overall, 6/10. Come on, American Horror Story, act like you've done this before.
