Summer is coming and for some of us that means one thing: the tourists are coming. We are preparing ourselves for demanding tourists who think their bathing suit is an okay outfit for the grocery store. Our patience is about to be tested and our "tourist-dars" are about to be on over load.
"Dear Lord, please put on some clothes"
Just because you are never going to see any of these people again does not mean that you should wear that. We see you in all you glory and to be honest we wish we saw a lot less.
"You should not have another drink"
I know this vacation is about letting go and just relaxing, but trust me when I say you should not have another drink. Not only will you regret it in the morning, but you will regret all the things you do before morning. Go back to your hotel room and sleep off what you already had. Being on vacation did not give your body a better ability to hold alcohol.
"Do you actually need three bags of souvenirs?"
I know my hometown is pretty great but I don't thinks it's three bags of souvenirs great. Seriously, put down the tacky shot glass and walk away. Spend that money something better like fudge.
"I swear, if you put on your breaks one more time..."
Yes, that sign blinking on and off is very pretty but it's not pretty enough to stop traffic. You have all the time in the world, but the people who run the place where you are having your vacation have to get to work on time. Please, enjoy the view when you are not in your vehicle.
"Where do these people get all of this money?"
Where exactly did you find all of that money to buy the three bags of souvenirs? We are living pay check to paycheck keeping this vacation spot open and you can waste all of that money on snow globes and coffee cups. I need to move to a non tourist area because obviously money does grow on trees there.
"Where exactly are they going to put all of this stuff?"
We all know that you bought those souvenirs and who knows what else while you were here. We also know that you were loaded to the max on you way here. No, leaving grandma behind is not an option.
"How long are they going to argue before they realize it doesn't even matter?"
This is your vacation and it seems like you are spending half of it yelling at someone who had nothing to do with what happened. No it's not the cashiers fault that rang up wrong. It's also not the hotel clerks fault that their manager didn't book your room right. Let's just all calm down, relax, and do what you came to do on your vacation. HAVE FUN.
As I reach up for my "Orlando" coffee cup, I realize that we are all "the tourist" at some point in our lives. Maybe we should all remember these annoying things we do on vacation and change our ways to give the locals a break.
