Sometimes, people ask dumb questions. Sometimes, I question my faith in humanity. So, from hilarious to hopeless, here are my daily thoughts as a server:
1. Yes, cheese does come on the pizza.
2. Oh, I appreciate that losing lottery ticket, you left me as a tip. :)
3. Did you really mix the cheese and the pepper in the shaker, you couldn't have just put them on your pizza. *internally screams*
4. I'm sorry, did you just ask for all of the toppings...
5. Oh, so you want a super supreme with no black olives or any of the toppings that the super supreme has. So, a regular supreme? No, oh okay. Sure.
6. No, my nose ring does not hold the boogers inside my nose, thanks.
7. Extra cheese is $2 extra. Yes, I know that's outrageous, but cheese already comes on the pizza, and mozzarella ain't cheap lady.
8. Okay, so you want no cheese on your pizza. Please, enjoy your flavorless disc of sadness, sir.
9. What's that? No, the sauce has been the same for as long as I've been here. I'm pretty sure I saw you in here last Tuesday scarfing down the same pizza you're complaining about.
10. No, we don't have a buffet. We haven't had one since February 2015, we still have pizza tho- Oh, okay. Bye.
11. Oh, they didn't bring your ranch when delivering your food? Well, instead of looking in your fridge, call back and complain about it.
12. What kind of people don't keep ranch in their home.
13. Why are you willing to pay 54 cents for a spoonful of ranch, when the dollar store next door sells hidden valley for $2?
14. I understand you're just buying pizza. We still have to have ID because you're paying with a credit card.
15. God bless your well behaved, cute children, because I did NOT want to pick cheese out of the carpet.
16. Please stop staring at my backside while I wipe down tables, I see that ring on your finger, and you're like forty. Ew.
17. I didn't give you my number, which signed me up for the no tip list. COOL SIR.
18. No, we don't do meet ups. Okay, well it doesn't matter if you were already shopping at that store. No, we can't meet you in the parking lot.
19. What do you "aren't okay with the process"? Okay, here's the number for corporate. I know it's not my fault. I literally just cut and boxed your pizza.
20. No. Yeah, let's just let all the pizzas come out of the oven, and ignore them. Not like we get paid to take care of them or anything. Hahaha ha...haaaaa.
21. If you don't get off this cut table right now, so help me. I will put you on there, and pretend you're a large pan supreme. Get out of my way.
22. Look at your face. Did I not just tell you exactly what the manager told you. Haha. I know it's petty, but I am enjoying this moment.
23. Oh, you're gonna go to Domino's? God forbid we lose a customer. No one can out pizza the Hut, honey.
