32 Thoughts And Actions EVERY Hungover College Girl Has And Does The Morning After

32 Thoughts And Actions EVERY Hungover College Girl Has And Does The Morning After

"What time is it? Where's my phone? How the heck did I get home?"

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So, you went out last night and you had one too many drinks.

Sure, you promised yourself and your friends that you were only going to have "like two drinks" because you "have to be up early the next day."

That ~may~ have been your intention but you got to the party and there was free juice and beer, you started playing stack cup (a game you're REALLY not great at) which led to flip cup (also not your strongest suit), and you saw your ex from Sigma Apple Pi with his new girl and against your better judgment, instead of leaving the situation, your already intoxicated self decided to down two extra shots "for liquid courage" to go and confront that little playboy. Right as you tap him on the shoulder, you blackout.

The next thing you know, it's morning. And now you're hungover.

But don't feel bad! We've all had those mornings. The morning where you might have a few of the following thoughts...

1. "Ugh who turned on the sun"

2. "What time is it? Where's my phone? How the heck did I get home?"

3. *Tries to get up*

"Whoa, nope there's a 10-pound brick in my head"

4. *Phone is on 4%* *groans*

5. *Opens phone to find 13 missed calls, 29 text messages, and 18 unopened Snapchats*

"Oh. No. No, no, no, no who did I talk to? Did I talk to my ex???"

6. *Sees full but illiterate conversation with four different people including your ex* "NOOOOOOO"

7. "Why is my Snap story literally 5 minutes long? Who's that in it? Am I wall twerking???"

8. *Starts deleting snap story*

9. "OK. On the count of three, get up... one, two, two and a half, three"

10. *Finally gets up and immediately gets nauseous*

"That was a mistake"

11. *Runs to the bathroom*

12. *Throws up in the toilet for a solid 9 heaves while head is still pounding*

13. *Looks in the mirror to see last nights makeup smudged all over your face and your once-cute outfit covered in blood stains, mud, and dried alcohol*

14. "I'm a garbage person"

15. *Stumbles to the kitchen for water and Advil*

16. Roommate who has her life together: "Oh good, you're alive"

Well, kind of.

17. *Grumble something about never drinking again as you down the pills and about eight glasses of water*

18. You to everyone you went out with: "What the heck happened last night?"

19. *Gets 14 different versions of what you did last night*

20. *Tries to piece together how the rest of the night went*

21. "I booty called WHO???"

Mistakes were made.

22. "I gotta drop out of school now"

23. *Dry heaves another four times*

24. "God, why me?"

25. *Cancel any and all plans for the rest of the day in order to recover*

26. *Takes another Advil*

27. *Hangover shower*

28. "I'm never drinking again"

Roommates: "You say that every time you get drunk"

29. *Searches for munchies but only have healthy food*

30. *Goes to McDonald's or your local bagel shop and orders enough food to feed three people*

31. *Eats every single bite*

32. *Does the same exact thing the next weekend*

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21 Lies College Students Tell Their Parents

I can almost guarantee that you have used at least five of these.

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Let's be honest. College is the best time of your life for a lot of reasons, and maybe you should not tell your mom all of them when she calls. I can almost guarantee that you have used at least five of these, and the others — maybe you should try next time!

1. "I can't talk now, I'm in the library."

Typically used when the student is too hungover to talk.

2. "Gotta go now, I'm walking into class."

Then hit play on Netflix.

3. "I think it might be food poisoning."

Was it the food, or all of that alcohol? Your symptoms sound more like a hangover to me.

4. "No, I didn't just wake up."

It is 4 p.m. and, yes, you did.

5. "I need more money for laundry and food."

Meaning, "I need more money for things I don't think you will give me money for."

6. "I never skip class!"

When we use this one, it usually does not refer to anything before 11 a.m.

7. "I studied all night for that test!"

If by "studied all night" you mean you watched TV shows in the library, then, yes, all night.

8. "Everyone failed that test."

And by everyone, I mean me and my friend who did not go to sleep until 3 a.m.

9. "I'm walking home from breakfast with my friends."

Yeah, OK. You are just lucky she cannot see last night's outfit and the high heels you are carrying. We know where you have been.

10. "Potbelly's is a restaurant."

I mean, they may sell tacos, but I'm not sure I would call it a restaurant.

11. "I go to Cantina's for the Nachos."

I hope that is not the only reason but, hey, you do you.

12. "The $40 charge on the card from last Saturday? That was for school supplies!"

Yeah, right. It was for a new dress.

13. "Nobody goes out on weeknights, especially not me."

We all know grades come first, right?

14. "I can't remember the last time I went out!"

Literally.

15. "I make my bed regularly"

About as often as I clean the bathroom.

16. "I did not say 'Margarita Monday,' I said I went to 'Margaret's on Monday'!"

Following the use of this lie, do not post any pictures on social media of you with a margarita.

17. "I use my meal plan, and eat in the dining hall all the time."

As you scarf down Chick-fil-A.

18. "I eat healthy!"

For those without a meal plan who have to grocery shop on their own, we all know you spend $2 on a 12-pack of Ramen noodles and the rest on a different kind of 12-pack.

19. "No, I don't have a fake ID."

OK, "John Smith," and where exactly in Wyoming are you from?

20. "I'm doing great in all of my classes."

We use this one because you cannot see our grades online, anymore.

21. "I did not wait until the last minute to start on this."

We all know that if you start a paper before 10 p.m. the night before it is due, you are doing something wrong.

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To My Fellow 20-Somethings Living For The Weekend, Wake Up And Grow Up!

And yes, I do mean from the naps that you "have" to take every day.

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It's been a few weeks since I've been in tune with myself to write something, but I've been seeing a recurring theme on social media that has really been upsetting me. I'm sure you've all seen it before, and you might be guilty of it yourself.

You're scrolling along on Instagram or Facebook when suddenly a picture sticks out to you from a person you're close to. The caption reads "Just wishing it was Friday already!" Or, "What I would give to be on vacation right now!" with a picture that looks like the .GIF below.

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If you're the two percent of people who haven't seen a post like this dead in the middle of winter, feel free to leave my article because this might not apply. For the rest of you that are probably rolling your eyes in agreement or might even be offended because you think I'm targeting you, continue on.

I get it. The weekend is nice, not having a metric ass ton of work to do can be nice, and dreaming of beach vacations is nice. But what purpose does it serve? Does it make you any happier to dream of the next Friday and weekend excursions to come? Bear with me here.

The weekend or your next vacation to come is something that we have all pondered at one time or another, and that's okay. However, people must understand that wishing for these "glorious" moments in our lives, whether it's as simple as binging Netflix on the weekend or as complex as a vacation in Aruba, rob us of our day-to-day happiness. How?

If you are living a life centered around this, it is merely a form of escapism that you are unaware of. Your desire to hit the town on a Friday night is natural. Wanting to do so because you hate school/work/what you're doing at the moment is a reflection of a much deeper lack of self-realization. What am I getting at here?

Giphy

I enjoy taking a vacation and having some lazy time just as much as anyone else. It's healthy to unplug from your day-to-day routine every now and again, especially if you are under a lot of stress. But wishing for the moments where you unplug from your routine means that you are incredibly unhappy either with yourself or what you do for a living. Trust me, I got defensive when I heard this for the first time, so if this unsettles you, listen to what I'm about to say.

What kind of life is worth living where your goal for the day is for 5:00 p.m. to come so you can go home, jump in bed, and take a nap? Naps are great, but naps don't inspire great ideas and fulfill your soul. I see college students that dread going to class every week, hate the classes they are in, write papers they don't want to write and take tests they don't want to take.

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On the outside looking in (as a college student who is almost done), is this how you want to live the rest of your life? As a 22-year-old now, I'm glad that the highlights of being 20 and 21 weren't me being out at the bar with my friends or spring break trips to the beach. I'm thankful that I wasn't so miserable with myself or with what I was learning in the classroom that I had to live for the Friday night to come, for darties to go to, and for ways to escape the "treachery" of a day-to-day routine.

I implore my peers now to take a long, hard look at themselves and to ask "Am I living for the weekend? Am I living to escape?" If there is any other answer than "no," there is work to be done and changes to be made. Happiness is being able to say "Yes, a vacation does sound nice. But I am incredibly blessed to do what I do every single day. I don't have it all figured out, but I'm happy to be where I am at now."

Growing up doesn't mean avoiding fun, or not enjoying a break every now and then. Growing up means finding fun and happiness in the ordinary.

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