1. Uh oh, it's almost swimsuit season. I don't think my tiny bikini can physically hold the weight of my winter blubber.

2. I should go on a diet.

3. Yeah, I should totally go on a diet! I could become a Vegetarian and everything!

4. Scratch that, I can't give up bacon...

5. So does this mean no more late night runs to Dominos? I'm going to save a ton of money if I live like this.

6. I guess I could always try the Positive Changes Hypnosis to make myself eat healthier.

7. With my luck, I'd probably get a joker that makes me quack like a duck every time the phone rings.

8. I'll give up alcohol! Do you know how many calories I could save by giving up alcohol?

9. Hah, just kidding. That's the only decent relationship I have going in my life …

10. Well, if I can't go on a diet and there is no way in h*** I'm giving up alcohol, then maybe I should start working out.

11. Yeah, I should probably take advantage of that rec center I pay all that money to.

12. I could become one of those hot skinny girls that runs on the treadmill 24/7.

13. Oh! I could learn how to do the treadmill dancing like the guy on Ellen.

14. Actually maybe not, I'd fall.

15. Or, I could get flat abs and start doing a hundred sit-ups right when I wake up in the morning.

16. Crap, I can barely get up for class as it is. There is no way I'm going to be able to wake up earlier to exercise.

17. I could just lift weights and get seriously toned.

18. Although when I was flexing in the mirror yesterday, I noticed my right arm had more muscle than my left.

19. Maybe I should start drinking half gallons with my left hand.

20. I guess I could try yoga.

21. I tried downward facing dog one time — all the blood rushed to my head and I had to stop.

22. So the first step is just getting off the couch and going to the gym.

23. On second thought, cheese puffs and a Netflix marathon sound way better than the gym.