Having already gone through two years of college, I have a few things to say about it. This isn’t written as an advice column. This isn’t written as a complaint. This isn’t written to scare people away from college. This is just written to be real. It’s written so younger see what to expect. This is written kind of as therapy, to be real. I’m nervous for this year to start. I’m not going to act like I’m ready for this, when I know dang well I’m not.
College is tough. I’ve gone through two years of it so far, and honestly, it hasn’t been that great. I’m not saying any of this to be negative, but rather just tell the truth. I’m scared going into my Junior year. But I’m also so ready for it. I’m ready to get into the swing of things. I’m ready to have a schedule to stick to. I’m ready to live a more steady life. I’m ready to be busy.
I’m a little nervous going into this year, because “past Harlee” didn’t set “present Harlee” up very well. I slacked BIG TIME my first two years and now I’m having to make up for it. I made plenty of mistakes my freshmen and sophomore years. I focused more on my emotions and my freedom during my freshman year than I did my studies. I spent too much time off campus and not enough time in the library. My roommate did a great job of holding my together, though. I will forever be in debt to Kayla and the way that she supported, trusted, and pushed me during our freshmen year. I didn’t do well, but she did great. And she pushed me to do great.
My sophomore year I had personal problems that I didn’t handle very well. I became very depressed and didn’t take care of it the way that I should. I developed a very “I don’t care” kind of attitude. I went to most of my classes and did most of my homework, but I definitely didn’t do enough. I had an internal struggle about boys and my self-image and my job. In the middle of my sophomore year I decided to move. It wasn’t my best decision, but in the moment it felt right. I was having many personal issues, like I mentioned, that I thought would be resolved by moving, that honestly weren’t. My grades slipped big time during the latter half of my sophomore year.
Which leads us to now. I’m scared for what the future of my schooling holds. I know I have to step up and study more. But I also have the issue of not knowing what I want to major in. My entire life, from about fourth grade, I’ve always been so stuck on the idea of being a teacher. I love the idea of teaching children and watching them grow mentally. I like the idea of being a leader. I like the idea of watching these children turn into wonderful young adults. I like the idea behind being a teacher, but I don’t know if I’m ready to commit to it. Kudos to people who have changed their majors. Kudos to people who have taken a semester, a year, or even two years off from college, but plan on going back this semester. I’m 20 years old and it’s kind of nerve wracking knowing that by the next two years I’m expected to know what I want to do with my life.
Maybe I’m just psyching myself out. Maybe I really am ready. I feel like I am ready. I feel like no matter what this semester throws at me, whether it be changing my major or just taking the whole things off, I honestly feel like I got this. I know that I have family and friends to back me up through whatever choice I decide to make. All in all, I’m scared, but I’m ready. I guess the same goes for life though. Yeah, I’m ready.
