"Thoughts from Places" is a video variety done by John and Hank Green on their YouTube channel, "vlogbrothers". I’ve been an avid watcher of their videos, their spin off educational videos, and other videos done by people they promote. Their "Thoughts from Places" videos are some of my favorite ones, and I wanted to do a variation on their video about a place that I love: The Understage.

Good morning McDaniel, it's tech week.

The Understage is formally known as our Dorothy Elderdice Studio Theater, and less formally known as the blackbox. This theater has been my home since the first day of classes. The last six months for me have been months of transition, and I’m working on my own self as I work on this show. I have spent a lot of time being alone, which is something that I don’t do often; I like being around people and meeting people. This summer, I spent a lot of time taking naps, lying in bed, and thinking about my own life, and then immediately upon returning for classes in August, I was thrust into this role that was about taking charge, being a leader, and interacting with people.

For those of you who know me, you know that I’m good at those three things. But I cannot stress this enough: I have been in a bad place. A transitional place that’s getting a lot better, but a bad place nonetheless. After auditions, I sat and sobbed because it was the most interaction I had had with other people in a very long time. My support network has been shrinking, and I’ve been feeling very isolated.

But getting myself together every day, doing the best I’ve ever done academically, and showing up for rehearsals with a smile on my face has been so challenging and so rewarding. I have watched Bryan, Megan, Jen, Toni, Najee, Brandi, Alex, and Torreke pull together a show under the amazing direction of Tad. I have had the pleasure of working with awesome designers Laura and Moises. Getting to know Ira and George has made this experience at least 100 times better than it already was going to be.

While working on this show, I made notes in my script. Notes about the way the actors are to move on stage, notes about which furniture goes where and who moves it there. But there are also highlighted lines that stood out to me, lines like, “Today is not my day, so I'll have the lentil.” I have been eating a lot of metaphorical lentil soup lately, and I’m ready to start having some lobster bisque. If that doesn’t make sense to you, come see the show. It’s a good one.

"Dead Man’s Cell Phone" at its core is about a woman trying to make everyone else happy, and I identify with that. I want others to be happy, and I forget myself and my own needs sometimes in the process, or I get so wrapped up in making other people happy and end up doing the wrong thing that makes everyone upset instead. Watching this show has been such an eye-opening experience about happiness, and the love that you show other people might not be the love that they need.

Circling back to the Understage, which coincidentally is a semi-circular stage, as we close in on tech weekend, I know this means the show is close to the end. I remember weeks ago panicking that the show was coming so quickly, and now I am relishing in the end. I am excited to see everyone in their costumes, with their light cues, and all the sounds created. I’m ready to see it all happen. And I know on Saturday night when strike is finished, and the Understage has returned to its bare self, I will sit on the stage and have a good cry. Because it’ll all be over. But I will be smiling, because it’s been an amazing, wonderful, scary, emotional, anxiety-inducing, thrilling, fabulous ride with the cast, the crew, and everyone involved.

Part of life is knowing when to move. Knowing when to move up, move out, and move on. While I don't want to move anywhere from the Understage, I know that the time is coming, and am bracing myself for next week, and the grief I know is coming from yet another transition. But I am so grateful for the home that I have made here, and know that when in doubt, I can sit in the Understage and transition my life again.

McDaniel, see you on Wednesday.