I have worked in retail for most of my college career. It really makes me thankful that I am in college and will someday not have to endure the agony that is working at a department store on Black Friday. But for the time being, that agony is reality. Here are some things that every retail is thinking (but are not allowed to say) on the dreaded Black Friday:
1. "No, I have absolutely no idea where that is. We sell a million products here, how would I know where the baby socks are?"
2. "Where did some of those coupons even come from?! I'm pretty sure you typed up some of these yourself."
3. "Maybe if I follow the mad rush out the door and leave no one will notice"
4. "I should've worn more comfortable shoes."
5. "Yes that is on sale. Everything is on sale today, it is Black Friday."
6. "I'm positive that this line is long enough for me to be here the rest of the week."
7. "I know that shirt wasn't on the $2 rack, but I am just going to let you have it because you're being difficult."
8. "I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS STORE RUNNING OUT OF KEURIGS."
9. "I just spent 30 minutes folding those shirts and if you so much as look at them I am going to lose it."
10. "Why aren't these people at home spending time with their loved ones eating turkey right now?"
11. "I think I am going to have to sleep for two whole days to make up for being awake at this time."
12. "It is not my fault that this cash register isn't working."
13. "No I am not sorry that I am taking forever to ring up your things because I have been here since two a.m. and I am very tired."
14. "Are these deals even any better than the ones you can get at normal hours of the day??"
15. "Why are you okay with standing in line for two hours to buy five shirts that aren't even that great of a deal?"
16. "I'm sure that if you bought this tomorrow at a regular price the world would keep on turning."
17. "It is also not my fault that your coupon isn't scanning."
18. "Your coupon isn't scanning because it is expired... and no we do not accept expired coupons."
19. "I haven't eaten in two hours, and even though I just consumed three helpings of Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, I am still hungry."
20. "I just done with my break but am already ready for another one."
21. "Please stop trying to make small talk with me about how terrible it is to work on Black Friday. Trust me, I already know."
22. "Don't talk to me while I am trying to quickly bag your items, you are distracting me!!"
23. "I wish I could be buying useless items for not-even-that-great-deals right now."
24. "When I get home I am going to eat a couple more helpings of Thanksgiving dinner."
25. "If I get home and find that someone ate that last piece of pumpkin pie I am not going to be happy."
26. "I think I might actually be dying."
27. "Maybe I could fake sick right now and they'll send me home."
28. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"
29. "I only have three hours left and quite frankly, I don't know if I can make it."
30. "I am calling off on Black Friday next year.