There’s no simpler way to put it: I am afraid to be a Black Male in America.
Two Black Men have been added to the long list of Black Males murdered by the police. It is quite eerie to me to think that these incidents happened in less than 24 hours between each other and that in both of them, many rushed to argue reasons as to why their murders were justified—he was armed; he wasn’t complying; he was resisting; he was reaching for a gun; he had a criminal past; he was carrying weed.
I found myself thinking, If I were to be shot and killed by a police officer today, what would they say about me? What story would they come up with to justify my murder?
When I’m driving and I see a police car, I instantly tense up and think of how they’re going to convict me if it comes down to that. All at once, a list of items, actions, and thoughts run through my mind:
Driver’s license? Check. Registration? Check. Insurance? Check. Make sure you roll the window down. Make sure your hands are on the wheel. Make sure to smile as to not seem too threatening. Say “Yes Sir/Ma’am.” “No Sir/Ma’am.” Are you wearing something that will seem too threatening? No, I don’t dress like a “thug” so I should be fine. If they are mean, just keep smiling. If you feel like you have been racial profiled, do not say anything, just smile. Comply. Don’t resist. If I am asked to step out of the car, what do I do? What if I feel threatened? What if I get shot for a subtle movement? What would the bullet feel like passing through my flesh? How many times would the officer shoot me? Would they call my mother? What would they do with my car or other possessions?
This whole sequence runs through my mind as quickly as the police car passes me by. I sigh and think myself foolish. Jalen, you are in college; you make good grades; you have never been in trouble with the law; you have nothing to worrying about; trust me, you are not like “them.”
I understand that anyone of any race, ethnicity, and gender can experience police brutality or have a fear towards the police, but my fear is directly associated with what I constantly see represented in media: Black males are thugs and dangerous; Cops are racist and kill black males because they are thugs and are dangerous.
I do not consider myself a representation of those stereotypes, so it seems as some black males are a target and I am not one of them. But in some cases like Tamir Rice, where a 12-year-old boy was shot and killed for playing with a water gun (that resembled a gun somehow), it seems that all black males are a target. Clearly, there is a reason the officer thought Tamir was playing with a real gun. His age did not matter; he was Black; he was dangerous.
Seeing the many incidents when Black Males are killed by police officers for minor traffic violations, "resisting" arrest, or for legally carrying a gun and how people find reasons to justify those deaths, I can’t help but believe my life really does not matter, that if I were the next one to die, many would find a reason to justify my death.
The issues of police brutality and racism are defiantly American issues and they need to be addressed from many different perspectives:
White people: I understand some of you are " color blind", but to be color blind sounds, to me and to others, like you're being blind to the fact that racism is a problem in this country. For some people of color (for I do not speak for all) it is quite hard to be color blind because there is nothing but color and the hate of color in our everyday lives. Become self-aware; realize and accept your white privilege (it’s not a bad thing when you use it right); don’t just apologize when people are victims of racism, but help change that culture surrounding racism. That is done by speaking up and speaking out against acts of racism. Also realize that when talking to minorities on these issues, you will need to not speak, and just listen.
Black people: Violence is not the answer, it only makes people sees us as more dangerous. I understand the anger, but the only way we are going to get through this is to better ourselves. Get educated, respect your communities, stop buying into stereotypes. Remember that Black Lives Matter is a movement for ALL black people, do not forget to include members of the LGBTQ+ community into the movement as well.
The Good Cops: Thank you for actually doing your jobs to protect your communities. I am sorry that you and your families have to go through seeing your profession get slandered and portrayed negatively. Continue to do your jobs the best way you can, but also become aware of the issues going on in the communities you protect. Speak up to acts of racism in and outside of the force. Make sure your fellow officers are mentally stable enough to hold the responsibility of being a gun carrying police officer.
The Bad Cops: If you are not fit to protect your community because of your prejudices or if you have joined the force as a tool to exploit your prejudices, turn in your badges.
This article has been quite hard for me to write. Mostly because I know that some people will read this article and try to undermine my perspective as a Black Male. When I see comments like "Black people kill each other all the time" or "Cops kill white people too" or "Why can't we all just be color blind," they are only an effort to pacify the outrage expressed in the Black community. I see many comments saying that Black people were being too sensitive and are "playing the victim," but how does a group of people react to seeing their race represented in stereotypes? To seeing their group oppressed for many years? To seeing their group fight for equality for many years, but that nothing has ultimately changed? To seeing members of that group murdered? To seeing that those murders seem insignificant? How does a group react to that oppression? Should they be happy?
The deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile (and the ones before them) have greatly affected me and my identity as a Black Male. I live in fear everyday that I may be the next one to be harassed or killed by the police. But I can't let that fear control my identity. I am a Black Male. I am proud. I can no longer be afraid of who I am.
