An open letter to those I hurt while I was hurting:
To the ones who stayed, 'I'm sorry' just isn't enough. I will never be able to make it up to you, the pain I put you through. You watched me destroy myself completely, but you never gave up.
The harder I pushed you away, the harder you pulled me in. And I resented you for it. I wanted to live life how I was living it. I wanted to abuse drugs, I wanted to steal, lie and hurt you. I was set on destroying myself.
But you never gave up. You knew the real me. You knew I had a heart of gold and that I had dreams and ambitions. You knew that I felt anything and everything so incredibly deeply.
You knew how hard it was for me to understand how the world could be so cruel. You knew I didn't know how to cope with that. You also knew that giving up wasn't an option, no matter how long it took. You saw me destroy myself, but more importantly, you saw me rebuild myself.
You saw me rise from the dirt, dust myself off and begin again. You gave me chance after chance to prove myself, because you knew that one day I would be okay. You knew I would make it to the other side. You saw things in me I didn't see in myself. There will never be any string of words that can express my gratitude or my sincerest apologies. But just know how sorry I am that I hurt you while I was hurting.
To those who left, I was so angry at you for so long. How could you leave me when I needed you the most? How could you give up on me? I realize now that I was toxic to you. I was hurting you while you were hurting too.
I'm not mad anymore. I'm still sad, but I'm not mad. My heart feels heavy whenever I look back on the memories we shared. My heart is still shattered that you will never be in my life again. I struggle with the fact that we grew apart. It's hard for me to comprehend that you had to give up.
I know it was too much for you. I thank you for staying as long as you did, though. And I'm sorry my pain was too much. You've left me with memories and lessons I'll never be able to forget. I will always love you and I will always think of you. I hope you always think of me.




















