If I could choose one emotion that best describes how I have felt the most this past year, I would probably choose anger. Before you start to think how someone could be so angry in all aspects of life that they have the audacity to shake their fist at God, give me a second to explain myself. An extremely long story condensed into two sentences is the reason why I let myself be consumed by anger. One: I felt like my God let me down. Two: My loving, perfect boyfriend died unexpectedly at the age of nineteen and my sweet MiMi followed suit just three days later. My entire world came crumbling down. I felt like my God had failed me. The perfect, powerful God who had every capability to save both of them choose not to, and that my friends is the toughest pill I have ever swallowed. But through the God I was angry at, I have found peace. I forgive Him.
What is anger?
Anger is neither right nor wrong. It is a feeling. It is simple fact. My anger was me telling my God that I think He messed up. God is perfect and makes no mistakes. My anger was feeding into my human desire to put blame and evil on the “author” of this evil. Because God spoke this world into motion--He is the author. However, He did not create all of this evil and tragedy. Adam and Eve made the bad decision to eat the fruit that brought evil into this world. Our choices bring us trouble. Others’ choices around us bring trouble. Nature sometimes creates evil. Satan is the author of our trouble. Sometimes God allows troubles to come into our lives. He only does so to refine us.
Anger is focusing on defeat in one hand when we have victory through Jesus Christ in the other.
Accept you are angry.
In my situation I knew I was not alone in my anger. My boyfriend’s family was angry and my family was a little angry too. A common misconception is that it is wrong to be angry with God or feel like He has left us, but I do not think that is the case. There are Psalmists in the Bible that felt this way too.
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.” Psalm 13:1-4
Understand that you do not understand.
The hardest thing to accept is that God has the capacity to prevent all trouble, but He is not obligated to do anything.
Note that I said accept not understand. We cannot understand God. Our finite minds cannot begin to understand something so infinite. In around about way this brings me peace. God tells us:
“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways’,” declares the Lord, ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” Isaiah 55:8-9
Trials strengthen us.
Although I do not have the capability to understand my situation, I can say it has made me stronger. I feel like I have been “afflicted in every way, but not crushed” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). I am still here because the good, all-powerful, sovereign God is using my mess of a life for good. God is working more through me and my testimony more than He could have through a miracle. Glory is manifested through me, a broken vessel.
Five Promises from God
This earth exists for reasons beyond itself, not to be fair--but to bring glory to its creator. God has used me to bring glory to His Kingdom. I have not done it all by myself. He has promised to help me. Firstly, God commands us to be strong because He promises He will be with us wherever we go (Joshua 1:9). Not only is God going to be with us right now--He will never leave us or forget about us (Hebrews 13:5). While He is with us, He will continuously comfort us in all of our troubles (2 Corinthians 1:3-5). While He is comforting us as we are struggling, He will also restore us (1 Peter 5:10). He promises that whatever He starts in our lives, He will see it through until the end (Philippians 1:6). Through Jesus Christ we have conquered our lives and every struggle we may cross paths with. There is nothing so bad that we can be separated from these promises God gives us (Romans 8:37-39). As we are taking on our trials, we will be blessed with lessons learned and perseverance (James 1:2-4). Because I know that my God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) I have hope and peace in every situation.
God knows we will face troubles in this life. He knows that simple fact might upset us, might even make us angry. However, we serve a big enough God for us to be angry with. Just like we serve a big enough God that will use our messy lives to bring glory to His Kingdom.
