So you've finally freed yourself from your toxic partner. You've set the barriers you need, blocked everything out that involves them, blocked their number and now you're moving on.

Then you start to date guys. It's not that you're not ready to, but it's the doubt in your mind that your toxic ex put there, that causes you to pull away. It goes something like this.

For each time a man calls you beautiful you remember when he called you ugly, disgusting, unattractive.

For each time a man says he wants a smart girl, you don't think it will be you because he called you dumb every single day.

For each guy who holds you or touches you, you worry that their hands won't be kind if they get upset.

For each time a man and you disagree you worry you'll be called every bad name in the book. And you worry that you'll have to find a safe place to go because you're used to the disfunction. Breaking phones, breaking tables, punching walls. These things always happened to you when he was mad, what if this man gets angry also?

For each time a man sleeps with you, you wonder if he is just using you and will only call you worthless and useless shortly after.

Each time a man says he loves you, you can't help but wonder, is he lying. Is he sincere? Or will this turn into the abusive cycle I've already known?

Because after a toxic and emotionally abusiive relationship it is hard to find another person. Many times we are ready to date someone new and it may seem soon after a breakup with that toxic person, however the relationship was dead long before the break up. Because when a man starts to emotionally abuse you, that is not love, and that is not a relationship. Many times another man won't understand that yes we are ready but we are scared. We are terrified to be wrong again. We finally freed ourselves from that situation and we would never want to return. Women recently in toxic or abusive relationships have been in dead relationships for a long time. We want to be loved, but we are scared and anxious about the possibility of a recontinuing cycle of emotional distruction.

Love us anyway. Because we are worth it. We have been through hell and back we've tried to mend a relationship that wasn't able to be mended, we put ourselves through hell to make a relationship work when it was wrong. So imagine how beautiful it would be to make it work when it is right.

My advice men, who date previously abused women, is to be sincere. Be consistent and gentle and kind. Keep your promises. If she flinches when you go to hold her hug her and never let go. If she says she's sorry when you're mad, please lower your voice. Please refrain from extra anger and rage. We need to be loved. We need to be treated right. Even if it's hard to love a good woman who's had a bad man.