"This, too, will be beautiful."
At the beginning of this semester, I made lists upon lists of resolutions that I envisioned myself completing in the semester. After sifting through the list, I settled on three concrete goals. I wanted to speak Spanish more fluently, actually get in shape and learn prioritize my commitments back home. Speaking Spanish and getting in shape were my two main goals, and pretty easy to keep track of. Due to the ease in which I could watch myself progress—or struggle—I checked in on myself a lot.
My friend had a scale and I definitely made use of it. To help track my progress, I made an Excel sheet with an extrapolated line indicating the time until I hit my weight loss goal against the actual loss. Changes weren’t happening fast enough and it was frustrating not to see my efforts reflected in that dumb, digital rectangle.
In class, my fluency and comprehension was fine. Most professors naturally annunciate clearly, and I had the vocabulary needed to talk about art and politics. But talking over music while in a bar, or other people in a crowded residence with slang and pop culture references I didn’t get? That was a different story. I felt myself getting steadily more comfortable and fluent, yes. Some Spanish words were starting to come more naturally to me than English (tracks, chicken, cool, pardon me etc…). But I was far from a native speaker and that was frustrating.
One day, I went to el Parque Oeste on the recommendation of a professor. There was a beautiful rose garden he said should be in bloom by this time of the year. It was drizzling, and not many people were out. When I got to the park, there were practically no people.
There were also no roses. The plots were filled with thorns climbing around posts that listed where the roses naturally grew, among other details. Some plants were labeled “native”, others “intrusive”. As I walked around the park, I thought to myself: “Wow, this will be so beautiful once the roses bloom”.
That’s when I realized just how intrusive the roses were. In envisioning a sunny day with roses, I was missing out on all the gems in the garden had to offer. There were thousands of daisies and other wildflowers lining the garden.
There was a gorgeous fountain fashioned after a dryad with weeping willow branches draped in front of her face. There were ducks swimming in the fountains that took flight every time thunder reverberated around the park. I was the sole patron of a gorgeous park, giving it an ethereal feel. It was beautiful
It’s laudable to pick goals and work towards them. But remember— these goals don’t define you and time doesn’t work against you. If you focus solely on who you want to be, you’re going to miss all the wonderful parts about yourself that already exist. So while, yes, the fruits of your labors will be as beautiful as the roses, do not let those daydreams detract from the hidden gems of your present person.