This not love poem denies the feelings towards my first crush freshman year of college where I convinced myself if I didn’t like said guy, then I will eventually get over him.

This is not a love poem.

Because if this was,

I would say

he was the one thing invading my mind.

Thinking of him twenty-four/seven

the first thing I imagine when waking up

and the last thing I remember

before falling into a deep slumber.

But I’m not.

So this is not a love poem.

Because if this was,

I would say

his ocean blue eyes

and sandy blonde hair

takes me to a warm day at the beach

where the sun beats down on me.

Melting my cold interior

opening me up to the world.

Where every pleasant memory is rolled into one

and when I look at him

he makes me feel.

But I’m not.

So PLEASE remember

this is not a love poem.

Because if it was,

I would say

just talking to him jumbles up my brain.

He speaks in an intellectual tongue

where I struggle to form a simple sentence

as if English is not my first language.

His voice is the melody I want on repeat

the one I wish I could be the harmony to.

But I’m not.

So I said this before and I’ll say this again

this is not a love poem.

Because if it was,

I would say

forget all the guys that came before him

and ignore all the guys who try to take his place

he is the center of my universe

a star so bright

no light can compare when he smiles.

I am in orbit where no matter how far I distance myself

force finds a way to pull us back together.

But I’m not.

So heed these six little words

this is not a love poem.

Because if it was,

I would say

take that nasty little bugger called caution

throw it out that goddamn window

nut and bolt it shut with all the other doubt

because I am ready to leap.

Hell,

I’m ready to jump

if he is.

There is this thing in me called hope

Telling me to not be scared.

To let myself fall.

But I’m not.

So I will shout this from the mountain tops if it will get you to understand

this is not a love poem.

This is not a love poem.

Well

then again

maybe it is.