As women, no matter how hard we try to shut off our emotions and avoid attachment, the majority of the time there will always be that inherent and prominent desire to want a deeper connection with someone. As people, we have a biological need for affection and we are built innately for affection. Sure, there is a physical connection, but are we fooling ourselves that that’s all we want?

With regard to the Social Penetration Theory, we will gain a closer relationship with someone through self-disclosure. Part of what makes a relationship so much better than a "Friend With Benefits" is the fact that we can share life journeys, stories and personal shortcomings and victories with that person. There are three publicly known behaviors that communicate intimacy, and those behaviors are spending more time with that person, sustained interaction and prolonged interaction over a period of time. Everyone wants to feel affection, inclusion, and control in one way or another- and the majority of us are searching for ways to fulfill these needs of humanity. Through gaining a deeper understanding of someone, we naturally will be drawn to them in a way that is hard to ignore.

That brings me to my question, what do we do when our casual relationship or FWB starts gaining a personal and not 100% physical relational stance? In order for your partner to have that sort of self-disclosure, you, in turn, have to have a little bit of high reciprocity. The fact that both of you entered into this FWB one way or another obviously says one thing about the type of relationship: you are attracted to each other. But, when other aspects besides physical attraction come into play, that’s when things get a little harder to deal with. Most of us don’t know what to call this morphing relationship. Most times the specific FWB convo doesn’t even come up, and the majority of the time hooking up with that person is what your hang out times include. There is a gray area between FWB and relationship, and that gray cloudy area is what is coined as a “situationship”.

I know, right? Finally- a word to describe someone who is not your boyfriend, and not exactly just a casual relationship or FWB either. The person who gets the title of situationship is someone who you have feelings for in one way or another. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have them for you. The gray area is gray for this reason: no one knows how to navigate in this cloudy existence. It is a mix between someone you do relationship things with but are not in a relationship. Of course, there is an easy way out though communication (but alas, no one has the guts to be that forward sometimes). Is this gray area the epitome of confusion in the dating world? Getting to this point from a FWB relationship is one of the most frustrating things ever. What was once an easy going, steady, nonpersonal and simple relationship has now morphed into a “situationship” where you start to become more invested due to what I previously stated as Social Penetration Theory. The sharing of personal life mixed with the amount of time spent together will make someone want to delve deeper into that relationship. Again, it is the inherent desire within us that wants to be close with someone and needed.

There are stages to this morphing relationship. When you both started this involvement with each other, it was either pretty clear from the first week of hangouts or it was specifically stated that it was a FWB sitch. From here on out, you both told yourselves that you are not to catch feelings. That is pretty much the number one rule to FWB. If you think you may be headed in the area of a situationship, you most likely started out casual. From here, the number of times you hung out increased and the number of times you got to talking and knowing each other increased. You started sharing more and you started listening more. Your relationship progressed to wanting to hang more outside of a physically charged environment. You started meeting for lunch, then going for beach runs, then playing in sports leagues with them. The plans you made revolved less around sex and more around the person and the time spent and enjoyed with them. Next thing you know, you find yourself looking at that person one day with a smile on your face, thinking about what a really amazing person that is. You catch yourself and try to brush it off, but once you noticed there’s no going back. Feelings start to build and you are stuck in this gray area. The “situationship”.

How is it possible to be falling for someone who might not even plan on feeling the same way? Since there’s no title for the relationship, there is no easy way to say it. You both have a current mindset that you're not necessarily romantically involved, yet you do couple things together. What do we do from here? Where is the next step to take? Wondering what this next step could be is nerve wracking. It could mean telling this person how you feel, and that response might not be what you want to hear. It could be a shocked look or it could be a reply stating that they aren't looking for that sort of relationship. Do you just back off slowly but surely because you don’t want to face that situation? Do you embrace the gut feeling that you know this person doesn't want that sort of relationship?

This brings me to another question, why do men and women do the whole FWB thing? I have a few possible explanations. First off, it is fairly obvious that men revolve around sex. If a woman is attracted to that man enough, she will agree to those terms even if it means spending only a little amount of time with him. Secondly, it could be because a woman is so tired of bad dating and crap relationships that she says she is going to forget the couple stuff. Thirdly, it could be that both people are not serious and only want some fun in life, which most of the time is the case. BUT- the tricky part of pulling this off is to not get attached. Once you are attached, you start to think about that person more, and spend more time with them, hence leading to the “situationship”.

I am a firm believer that the Marriam-Webster Dictionary needs to adopt the word “situashionship” because I know that this sort of gray area affects more poeple than the masses who sit on the 405 in rush hour. Seriously- if you have ever driven from San Diego to West Hollywood in rush hour on a Friday- you will understand the herds of people trying to get to their destination with their cars in park. Situationships affect more people than that, bar none. There really is no other way to explain this sort of relationship to someone who asks. This would solve all of our problems. Well, maybe not all of them…we still have to figure out the next step in our situationships.

Dealing with situationships are not only frustrating but can be heart-wrenching in a way. That relationship that has progressed over months and months has an expiration date if one of you is feeling this way. From there, deciding what to do with that person is harder than expected. Weeks and months pass and feelings only get stronger. For some, it may not be the best turnout. For others, you may just be some of the lucky ones who found their person. It may not have started out as clear cut as a relationship, but through time and self-disclosure, it developed.