As much as we'd like to imagine that people are individuals and special little snowflakes, we're not. We're all just cookie cutter human archetypes. Just ask Carl Jung. Or take the MBTI.
(This is where Isleep at night. So safe. So pristine. So cardboard.)
Because of this simplicity, and through arduous research, I have formed a definitive list of the 12 people you see on college campuses. Tag yourself!
1. Kim.
Kim has a tattoo of an evergreen on her back. In class introductions, she told everyone that she has hyper extended elbows. She is a self proclaimed amateur maraca player, and likes to eat Tostitos.
2. Hector.
Hector is a very direct person, and describes himself as sensitive. He likes dark humor and turkey cheddar sandwiches.
3. Leah.
Leah likes hummus, like, a lot. When she sleeps, she wears earplugs. She never learned how to formally tie her shoes and she likes to wear converse.
4, 5. Caitlin and Tayler.
Caitlin and Tayler like to sit on couches. Caitlin is getting a dog soon and is excited about it. Tayler likes football and the literary genre of Magical Realism. He also has a Siberian Husky named Frosty. They have both read a lot of literary criticism.
6. Drew.
Drew attended a private Lutheran school for grades 3-8. He has a relatively active, not-often-discussed love of Japanese anime, and has "superb, armpit fart skills."
7. Kenzie.
Kenzie is a 2nd year Mass Communication Advertising Major who likes to watch Netflix's "House of Cards." She likes to sleep, and she loves pink lemonade more than her mother.
8, 9. Rene and Erin.
Rene's favorite animal is the common Eastern Gray Squirrel. She has something between a mole and a birth mark on her left thigh, and her favorite food is carbs. Erin has a scar on her right eye that she got from running into a table. Her earring collection is exclusively sea creature based, and she knows an awful lot about the Atta cephalotes leaf cutter ant. They like to eat together.
10. Abbi.
Abbi likes to say that she's good at under water basket weaving. Nobody's sure if she's lying or not because she's one of those people where that could be true. She can also play both the guitar and the ukulele.
11. Tommy.
Tommy has hair that cannot be tamed. He wears orange crocs to formal occasions, and describes himself as "brain dead." He likes to drink coffee.
12. Those dumb, stupid people who put up hammocks on campus.
What are you doing? Get out of there! Can't you see you've broken several branches already? Those trees are far too small for what you are doing.
