I see many articles on PTSD and the symptoms that come along with it but I have yet to find an article about this. I've talked to many people who have experienced trauma and I know it is a shared struggle so I thought I would share my experience with it.

Throughout this article I will be referring to the body that I reside in as "this body" and that's because I don't feel as if it is truly mine.

I don't feel like I have ownership over this body and I haven't for many years.
Most days it feels as if I have just been giving a set of bones and skin to reside in for the time being. A body to only rent, not to own.

Trauma has taken many things away from me but I feel as if this is the hardest. When you don't feel a sense of connection to the body there's no respect there. I have no respect for the body that I'm in. I have punished it and I have allowed others to do the same.
It isn't mine so it doesn't really matter what happens to it, right?

Feeling this way has also but a strain on many things in my life, especially romantic relationships. How do you connect with another person when you don't even feel it within yourself?
This was a huge struggle in my last relationship and is what played a part in the breakup.
I see this body more as an object, for someone to borrow and use whenever they may need it.

The body is resilient and should always be treated with love, grace and respect. At least that's what I think and is what I've been taught.
I know that this body is resilient, it's still standing after all of the shit is has been through.
All of the trauma and all of the pain I have inflicted upon it, it is still standing.
I want to learn how to view it as my body and my body only. Not a body that I am borrowing or renting. A body that is MINE for keeps. I hope and I pray that I will get there one day.
I know that it will be a long road but I have to remain hopeful.

This body will soon be my body.