When first mandated in 1986, cars’ third brake lights caused an 85% decrease in rear-end collisions. After time, unfortunately, drivers adjusted to the new light that had previously caught their attention. The exciting new safety measure subsequently decreased in effectiveness. Researchers attributed this decline to a person’s ability to adjust to new norms.
It makes sense, then, that freshman like myself moved into college and, with time, were able to adjust to our new norms: surroundings, freedoms, people. That’s what parents can only hope! They want their sons and daughters to be happy and comfortable, to transition successfully and begin the next chapter smoothly. Admittedly, there were hiccups. Some weeks were harder to get through when all you could think about is a home-cooked meal or the hundreds of times you took your bed for granted. Eventually, those sentiments subsided, and we—collectively as freshman—adjusted to the new norm that is college.
Now, 11 weeks after moving in, I can confidently say I have accepted my life as a college student as “the new norm”. In fact, it felt really weird packing to go home. Normally it’s hard to pack for a week at the beach or a camping trip because you just can’t predict all the outfits you could need. But now I can’t remember what I left or didn’t leave at home or if I need to pack sweatshirts or if I still have a membership at the local gym to go work out? I’m going home, but I’m leaving the life I’ve established and settled into here at school.
As much as I can’t wait to see my parents and dog and friends and shower without shower shoes, I love my life. Three months ago, I was more than excited to get away; I was counting down the hours by the time move-in day came around. Nevertheless, I couldn’t imagine a life other than the one I had been living for 18 years. Now I couldn’t imagine a life other than the one I have created for myself at college. My old friends won’t understand my references to Miss Cathy’s pancakes and my family won’t fully appreciate all my stories without knowing the people I can’t wait to tell them about.
It kind of feels like I’m straddling limbo, unsure of how much to move on from my past life but ready to fully immerse myself in the life I’m well-adjusted to anyways. I am sure that when I wake up tomorrow in my bed at home, I’ll miss being able to walk out of my cube and climb into my roommate’s bed just on the other side of the wall. I’ll miss seeing friends at any meal of the day, the routine I've settled into, the freedom to go places without thinking about letting my parents know first. It will only be a week’s time away from the norm, but I’m already sad about leaving it.
Given that there are times I’d give anything to see my mom’s face in person, it’s not that I absolutely love everything about this new life I’ve created. It’s certainly not perfect, and I definitely miss the way things used to be. I know I’ll miss it—even when I’ll only be gone for a week—because it’s what I’m used to and it’s easiest. We all have this amazing ability to adjust to new norms (it’s called adapting), but in the end, I believe it stems from our human desire for predictability. Even if the norm isn’t the most ideal, we go about adjusting in order to regain that predictability of what to expect from day to day.
I’m not here to blame human nature. Adapting and adjusting is what we do to survive, and survive we will. With Thanksgiving around the corner, however, I realized that I’ve been a little complacent. Craving immensely to quickly make college my norm, I rushed to become used to everything as if that was the key to success—to be used to drunk girls stumbling their way home, to accept miscommunication in lieu of busy schedules, to give up on staying in touch with people that used to matter so much. Like the first people to drive behind cars with newly-installed third brake lights, I noticed these things right away and I let them happen. I let them melt into my life so that they no longer stood out. As time passed, we have let our eyes blur these "lights" into our surroundings.
In addition to a third brake light, cars are now equipped with sensors to detect dangerously close distances to an object. As technology advances, it’s evident that engineers are in constant search to further adapt the safety measures to our minds that continuously adjust. Just as car companies continue to seek better ideas in our best interest, we must also do the same: be wary of over-adjusting to the world that can change in an instant. Comfort and norms are great, but we begin to lose our gratitude when we forget what used to stand out so much to us.
This Thanksgiving I intend to un-adjust to what I came to take for granted. I hope we all refresh our eyes and remember to be thankful for everything we classify as the norm. Maybe the norm no longer has to be the world we're presented with but rather a world we make for ourselves. Here's to your family and mine, and to once again noticing what's right in front of our eyes: good friends, better family, and two places to call home.
