Another day goes by, with not a text nor call

And I catch myself asking the same question…why do I constantly do this to myself

I always allow you in..into my heart , into my mind, into my being just to be left vulnerable again

The vulnerability that goes unnoticed produces scares that make my heart bleed

But yet I ignore it because the feeling of being with you, is so euphoric

It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before..well maybe I have but that’s not the point

I notice that this is a cycle... We text, you come over, we enjoy each other and then you leave

And of course I get damaged, because I always tend to wear my heart on my sleeve

Even after the countless number of times that you showed me, that making a commitment was something that I guess I wasn’t worthy of

And now I’m left back at square one

I feel stupid, stupid for letting you achieve something that I’d been fighting against for so long.

I feel naïve. Naïve for actually believing that this could work out for my good, all the while knowing that anything birthed in sin and disobedience leads to death, I guess that’s why my heart no longer beats like it used to. Because every time I allowed you into me, I lost my peace, my joy, my fellowship with God and last but not least my sanity

I feel dumb. With you, I seem to lose my voice to speak the truth and how I really feel in order to make you comfortable in a situation in which comfort shouldn’t be in the first place..it shouldn’t even be in the picture, but let’s face it. Who really thinks when lust...I mean love clouds your vision?

We were doing stuff that we had no business doing in the first place, and for what?

For me to be left broken and scarred, to be tossed to the side like my values, as if I’m worthless because I desired to make you work for my heart , but instead you worked less and I ended up placing my heart into the hands that didn’t earn it..

But regardless of how I feel, I know one thing for sure. I don’t think I can wait for you anymore.