As I plopped my sleepy and starving self down for lunch today, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a very unexpected sight. Today, LSU's apparel design seniors presented their official senior collection reviews to the whole department. As a junior in apparel design, the sight of my ever-encroaching future sparked a whole cluster of mixed of emotions that I wasn't expecting to get tangled up in. While I was incredibly excited to get a sneak peek of the talent and innovation of my fellow creatives, I couldn't help but think about how close I am to be in their position. Of course, I've always known it would eventually be my turn; it's just arrived faster than I could've anticipated.
FYI, when people say, "life comes at you fast," they aren't kidding. It seems like another lifetime when I was playing dress up in my grandmother's cedar closet at six years old, or sketching dresses for my friends in middle school, or starting my first real sewing lessons sophomore year of high school, or even deciding there was nothing else I could possibly go to college for besides apparel design my senior year. While my foray into design has been a long time coming, it seems like my time here has been overwhelmingly short-lived. Even though I've managed to learn and accomplish a significant amount during my time at LSU, it doesn't make me any more comfortable with what lies beyond here. To be quite honest, I don't know how the seniors seemed so calm and collected today.
I'm not going to lie; when people ask me what I want to do after college, I usually give each person a different answer. The truth is that I obviously want to work in the Fashion Industry, but I don't have any real plans as to what I'll be doing or where I'll be going. The reality is that I think about the future all the time, but I don't ever plan for it. That may seem contradictory, considering to you can't plan unless you think. However, you can think without making a set plan. In fact, I think about what I'd like to do or what I might excel at, but I haven't ever completely committed myself to those thoughts. The idea of selling myself on one, specific plan for the future terrifies me.
Honestly, I've never been a big fan of commitment. Even for small, insignificant things, the idea of being stuck with one option isn't one I've taken kindly to. I guess part of it stems from the fact that I don't want to miss out on a better option by prematurely committing to something. No, I wouldn't suggest this way of viewing commitment, but it's just my natural tendency. Plus, I like to live my life day-to-day when my brain allows it. Life changes so often and so quickly, so today's circumstances will surely not be identical to tomorrow's circumstances.
Aside from running from commitment, I've come to the conclusion that I fear planning so much because it can't be a guarantee. By that, I mean that I can't know for sure that the plans I make for myself will come to fruition. "Fearing the unknown, how strange and uncommon," said no one ever. I think everyone shares in the fear of not knowing to some degree, and I don't think we're wrong for it, either. I'm not saying planning in advance is a guaranteed trap. I'm simply saying that by allowing ourselves to absorb our present circumstances without definite commitment, we may make better decisions in the long run.
I think itineraries are a great example of why thinking about the future and planning for the future aren't one and the same. In theory, itineraries are great because they neatly map out everything that needs to be or should be accomplished. Realistically, unless you're on an eighth grade trip to Washington, D.C., I don't think you're actually going to be sticking strictly to the itinerary. This isn't to say that making an itinerary is useless; some guidance and planning is always wise. It's just to say that plans are not the be-all and end-all in life. Some things will be subject to change, and that's okay.
As I continue on my college journey, my next big venture will be to land an internship. While I've been combing LinkedIn, Indeed, and other job listing sites, I've realized that keeping an open mind is imperative. I've found internships from Portland to Maryland to Boston, which makes planning out my summer nearly impossible. Of course, once I've finished applying and strike a deal with a potential employer, then I can plan. I'll have to bite the bullet of commitment, but at least by that point, I will know that everything is "set in stone." So, while I battle with the idea of planning in advance, some situations absolutely call for it.
The point of this hasn't been to discourage anyone from organizing his or her future self, by any means. I just think that the future can eat us up and consume our thoughts entirely too much. It's next to impossible to keep our brains from wondering into the weeks, months, and years ahead, but we shouldn't allow our minds to stay there. I know I can get caught up in the worry and anxiousness, as I did today looking at the collection reviews. I think, though, that the peaceful demeanor displayed by the seniors served as a good reminder that the apprehension and doubt tend to subside as we approach present moments.
