We English majors get a lot of heat for choosing the major that we did. As an English major, I'm proud of what I study, but sometimes when people learn about my major they do not seem to share the same enthusiasm. Over the years I have compiled a list of things that other people should learn not to say to an English major.
1. What's your favorite book?
We have too many. Don't ask us. That's like asking a mother who her favorite child is; you just don't do that! We love books! That's part of the reason why we're English majors (Along the lines of this is, "Do you have a favorite author?" Not cool man, not cool).
2. So do you like Shakespeare?
Every English major has a love-hate relationship with Shakespeare. For one, we love his insults. A personal favorite of mine is, "You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face." Good one, Willy Shakes. But we hate the fact the Romeo and Juliet died in the end. Like really man, did they have to die at the end just to prove a point?
3. So are you going to be a teacher?
No. No, no. No, no, no. We do not all want to be teachers (in my case, I want to be a college professor, but still). There are a million other professions that English majors can be! I know people who majored in English in undergrad and went on to be lawyers, doctors and even accountants. I know a lot of English majors who are going on to be teachers or work in the publishing field, but it's not safe to assume that every English major just wants to teach.
4. What are your finals like? Do you just memorize a bunch of quotes?
No, I've actually never had to memorize a quote for an exam; please don't ask me that. I've had to take weekly quizzes, write in-class essays, give presentations and write 12-page papers. English finals are just as stressful as business or biology finals. We have to sit in a room for three hours and write 10 definitions to different terms, four short-answer responses and two essay questions. After one of our finals, you can't lift up a pen for another week!
5. Do you just learn to be a better reader?
Being an English major is not just about reading. A lot of English majors require students to take just as many history classes as well. Knowing the history behind a piece of literature is just as important as knowing what the author is actually writing about. And it's not just history; English majors have to have some kind of grasp of Old and Middle English, as well as having basic knowledge about major stories from the Bible, and being open to reading texts translated from other languages.
6. Do you just read classics all the time?
No. I mean last summer I did read "Moby Dick" for fun, and it was one of the most excruciating 500 pages of my life, but I also read other books as well! Actually I have a guilty pleasure for trashy romance novels. There's nothing like the thrill of reading a story where you know the two main characters are going to have a happy ending (again, not cool Willy Shakes). I can go from reading "Jane Eyre" one day, to reading "Love With A Scandalous Lord." Honestly, I'll read anything you put in from of me that has a 3/5 stars or higher on Amazon.
At the end of the day, if you don't know what to say, just smile and say, "Oh that's nice. So what book are you reading in class now?"
