In the world that we live in, I often hear phrases like, "You can't love others until you first love yourself," "No one is going to love you if you don't love yourself first," or “If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else.” Every time I hear things like this, it just doesn’t sit well in my head. I've never been able to fully grasp the concept, but I’ve figured out that it’s because I don't fully believe it. Now, I understand that loving yourself is important and that it should be a priority because it’s hard to live a happy and fulfilling life when you don't love who you are. I also know that the more I love myself, the more I'm capable of loving others. However, I don't necessarily believe that if one person doesn't love themselves fully, they're also incapable of loving others or receiving love.

You don't need to love yourself before you’ll ever be able to let someone love you. The idea of love is that someone cares for you unconditionally. If you struggle with loving yourself, and someone cares for you, they should show you love despite that, and it shouldn’t be a reason to hold back your love for them.

I think everyone can relate to this idea in some way. If you ask me, it's easier to love others than it is ourselves. After all, I've been loving others since I was born, but I wasn’t introduced to the idea of self-love until I was a teenager. I see more admirable qualities in others than I do myself, but that’s completely normal. We are flawed humans, and it’s easier to see those flaws in ourselves than in others. Over the past four years, I’ve become a lot better at knowing who I am and what I want out of life. It hasn’t been easy by any means, but I’ve learned a couple things that have helped me grow in love for myself. I made this list of things that have helped me grow, so I could pass them along to anyone who needs them. I haven't yet mastered them, but I've seen them drastically help me when I’m feeling down, and am working on them every day.

1. It's OK to want to be alone and spend some time with yourself.

Sometimes when I'm alone but don’t choose to be, it’s frustrating. Sometimes it makes me feel unloved or unwanted. But, choosing to be alone allows me time to think, to pray and to relax. When life gets crazy and you need a break, don’t be afraid to take a step back and to be with yourself. Or, if you simply just don’t feel like talking or interacting with anyone, don’t be embarrassed of that. Even if you’re afraid of being alone or avoid it for some reason, make it a point to do something on your own. Watch a sappy chick flick and cry, go for a walk and think, or just hang out and listen to music. Do what will allow you to recharge. You won’t miss out on anything if you’re taking some personal time.

2. Not loving yourself isn't more reason to hate yourself, it just leaves room for improvement.

If you struggle with loving yourself, that doesn’t give you the excuse to mope around and be glum. If you dislike yourself to the point of depression, that’s a different situation and should be handled differently. But if it’s simply just hard for you to love who you are, do something about it. Don’t just sit back and let yourself be sad. Go to the gym a couple times a week, set aside time for daily prayer or meditation, or try to make your daily thoughts more positive. Start with one thing and once you master that, move onto the next.

3. It's OK to be dependent on others.

Some people have the power to be happy on their own, and that’s so admirable. But others find their happiness through their interactions with others. That’s no reason to dislike yourself, either, because humans need each other to survive. God made Adam and Eve to complement each other, not to be unnecessary for each other. Needing other people to guide you in the right direction is normal. Wanting conversation and interaction with people you care for is a good thing, so there’s no reason to be ashamed of it.

4. But don't be too dependent.

It’s OK to be dependent on others, but you shouldn’t be dependent on others to the point where you need compliments, confirmation of how you look or their attention in order to be happy. Instead, focus on learning from them. Pay attention to how others show their love to you and how you show your love them, and then try to reciprocate that love to yourself. Try looking at your life from the outside in, and maybe you'll see a new you that's easier to love. We learn by example in so many areas of life, so what makes this any different?

5. JOY!

A friend once explained to me how he sees JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself. We must first put Jesus at the center of our lives. Jesus performed the ultimate act of love by dying for us. I’m not saying we should all die for the ones we love, but I am saying that Christ gave a good example, as well as many others, to follow. Next, we must focus on others. We shouldn’t do acts of kindness because they make us look and feel good, we should do kind acts because of how others feel when they receive them. Then, we can focus on ourselves. My friend told me, “When we begin to focus on Christ and others before ourselves, that is when we become happy.” Once we learn to live in the service of others, we will learn to love ourselves more than we ever thought was humanly possible.

6. Remember that you are worthy of being loved.

It’s as simple as it sounds, but sometimes it’s the hardest to understand. No matter who you are, what city you’re from, what you do on the weekends or what you eat for breakfast, know that you're worthy of being loved, and that you are loved.

7. When you start loving yourself more, your life will become so much better.

The more you love yourself, the more fulfilling your life will be. You will love more, laugh more, enjoy more, smile more and be present more. It will positively change your life forever. Love leads to the best experiences and situations. The more love, the better your life will be.