The cycle will repeat several times over the length of a lifetime.
You meet someone and they absolutely blow you away. There is something about them- the way they think, their perspective on the world or the way it feels like their words seep into your brain and keep you up at all hours of the night thinking about them. Who knows what did it, but what does it matter anymore because they did the one thing they told you that they would never do: leave.
The truth is when you are heartbroken, you are bitter and fragile for a short period of time, sometimes even longer. There are so many questions, things you wish you would had said and you can't just keep that building up inside of you forever.
So, here are the things I wish I would have said to the person who broke my heart:
Dear Heartbreaker,
You always told me you were broken and couldn't be fixed, but I was determined to prove you wrong. That was my mistake to be pushy when you weren't ready. It happens though, we make mistakes; we aren't perfect.
I often blame myself. I wonder what I could have done to make things easier for you. Maybe I wasn't interesting enough, maybe I could have been more understanding, but the more I think about it the more I realize that there was nothing else I could have done. I spread myself thin, I doubt you even noticed nor appreciated it.
I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with myself because I can't find the strength to be mad at you or blame you- I still blame myself regardless of the facts. I am in no way saying I was perfect or that I was an angel to you, but I tried my best when you barely tried at all.
I know you've been hurt, that you've experienced what I am now experiencing and you'll probably read this to yourself, roll your eyes and wonder why you even bothered to get involved in the first place.
I suppose I'll never understand. You swore you were no good, that you would hurt me. I've realized now that you didn't lie, but it was a lie at the time you said it. The thing is, you had a choice and you chose wrong. You did not have to hurt me like the last one hurt you, you didn't have to make someone else feel as horrible as you do, but you did. How does it feel to know that the pain you have, you gave to someone else?
I could easily do the same. It would be much simpler to find someone who looks at me as if the entire universe is sitting behind my eyes and shatter their heart into a million pieces, but I won't.
The world can be cruel and unfair, but I won't let an unfortunate event ruin my perception of it. There are good people out there, and even if someone else will never care for me, I care about myself.
I would never wish this upon another person, however, it is inevitable. We have to go through the motions to survive and build our character- that is how we find who we are.
I am strong and independent; no other human has the ability to ruin me as I am responsible for myself. I will continue to do the things that make me happy and love those and the world around me entirely too much because that is who I am, and if that makes me crazy then so be it.
I genuinely wish you the best. I know you have the potential to be happy, as I have witnessed it firsthand. Don't let that go to waste, don't let the world ruin you because it isn't worth it.
I hope one day you find what you're missing, and I'm sorry it wasn't me.
The One You Hurt
