When I was a senior in high school, all I wanted to do was get off Staten Island and move to Jersey. Not like it's that far away, but I just wanted a new place that was a little bit bigger than 102.5 miles long and where I could go to the mall without seeing my second-grade teacher and her mother. So when I came to Fairleigh Dickinson, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get so many questions about Staten Island. Here are some things native Staten Islanders are sick and tired of hearing:
1. "You have such a heavy accent."
Yes. I have a very heavy accent, and it gets worse when I'm angry or drunk. No, I will not say any word that you spell out just to say how it's "supposed" to be said. N U T T E R B U T T E R. Stop. My alphabet consists of two fewer letters than people from New Jersey. It's a thing, just let it happen. It's not like I'm speaking a foreign language.
2. "What do you do for fun?"
I mean, not really, no. We can go out to eat at a different diner on Friday and a different one on Saturday. But what we can say is that we're a free 25-minute ferry ride into the city where we can do literally anything imaginable. So take that, New Jersey Transit.
3. "Isn't that where the dump is?"
Let's get one thing straight, yes, in my social studies textbook 10 years ago, it said we had the largest dump in the United States and it could be seen from space. Personally, that's something to be proud of. Now, in 2015, we cleaned up the dump, and now we are making it into a lovely park where hopefully we don't find anymore radioactive biochemical materials. So, radioactive park: check. Largest dump: negative.
4. "I drove through Staten Island once..."
OK, congrats...one day I drove through the state of New Jersey. That's the funny thing with driving, you have to drive through places to get to another place. WOW, who would have thought?
5. "Do you ever see Angelina or Vinny from Jersey Shore?"
Well, yes. Angelina caused a car accident three cars in front of me once, and then Vinny used to coach a basketball team at a catholic grammar school a few years ago. His father also cuts hair in the Staten Island mall...classy.
6. "Is everyone Italian?"
I have blue eyes and red hair. I'm Irish. Your argument is invalid.
6. "Does everyone know everyone?"
Now that you mention it, my best friend's ex-boyfriend is best friends with her older brother who went to my old grammar school, who dated my other best friend's sister, who went to my high school, who is now going to the college that my mother went to. Easy enough?
7. "Is everyone orange or tan?"
Literally, both. I live on an island where half of the population wears pink Juicy sweatsuits with their stomachs hanging out with old Uggs and an orange tint to their skin. The other half are normal girls who are either naturally tan or naturally a normal skin color and wear normal people clothes. Also, I'm whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost, so let's stop while we're ahead.
8. "Do you like it there?"
Let me hit you all with some real talk. No, I personally do not like Staten Island, but I will always love it. I love my house, my grandparents' house, my grammar school, my high school, my friends, and my favorite restaurants. I love how close I am to the city. I love how I'm only a 15-minute drive from all of my best friends. Most importantly, I absolutely love my accent. Will I move after college? Absolutely, yes. Would I ever raise children there? Not a shot. Even though I don't "like" it per se, I will always love it because it was my first real place I could call home. So this one's to you Staten Island, thank you for the most passive-aggressive love/hate relationship I could ever imagine to be possible. It's been a good 21 years. Catch you on the flip side.
