It’s been nine years.
Nine years since I lost my best friend, my favorite basketball coach, my fishing buddy, my first true love: my dad. Nine years of wishing he were here to see me off to prom, to see me graduate, to celebrate my acceptance into college, to help me move to Philly. Nine years of living and learning without him. Losing a parent changes you in a way that words can't describe, but here are nine things I've learned in the nine years without my dad.
1. Tell people you love them.
This one might seem so obvious and so simple, but if you take one thing from this article, let it be this. Love is the worlds strongest emotion, a natural healer. Tell the important people in your life that you love them each and every day, because you never, ever know when it'll be the last time you do so.
2. Your mom is your best friend.
Little eleven-year-old Rebecca struggled with this for a while, thinking the world, and therefore her mom, was against her. It wasn't until I got older that I realized every single decision she made was to better my siblings and me. Losing my dad could have had two options: I push my mom away or I hold her close. And I'm so glad I chose the latter because she has been my rock.
3. Don't be afraid to let people in.
Two years after my dad passed, my mom started dating my stepdad. And let me tell you, I hated him. I wasn't ready for someone new in my life. To my younger self, I felt like my mom was betraying my dad. But now, I know that couldn't be further from the truth, and my stepdad is the best thing that has ever happened to my siblings and me.
4. It's okay to cry.
For the longest time, I refused to cry over my dad. I convinced myself that crying was a sign of weakness. I needed to be strong, for my mom and my siblings, and for myself. But as I grew older, I realized that crying is the true sign of strength. Strength was knowing how to handle your emotions in a healthy manner, instead of bottling them up.
5. With every ending comes a new beginning.
As I mentioned earlier, my stepdad is the blessing my dad sent down to us. But had we not lost my dad, my stepdad wouldn't be in our lives. It's such a bittersweet silver lining but without my dad passing, we wouldn't have one of the greatest men I've ever known in our lives.
6. Let go of the past.
Every single big event that happened in my life after my father died was clouded with the thought of, "Man, I'd give anything to have him here." And while this feeling is totally normal, I let it consume me, and it became a problem. I prevented myself from enjoying my achievements in life because he wasn't there to enjoy them too. Now I know that I have to let go of what happened, and be happy with where I'm at because that's what he'd want me to do.
7. Don't fear the future.
The first year or two after my dad passed felt like an eternity. How was I supposed to just move on with my life? I had to experience everything with the nagging notion that something, or more accurately, someone, was missing. It got to the point where I'd think, "Oh, I don't want to go to prom because my dad won't be there to see me," or "Why get married when he can't walk me down the aisle?" But then I realized that's the total opposite of what my dad wanted for me. I stopped fearing the future because I knew he was still with me, no matter what.
8. Cherish every single moment.
You never, ever know when someone's day is their last, so make the best of each and every single thing you do, friend you make and dream you achieve. Take pictures and videos, or don't. Just live in the moment and appreciate everything you have, because only God knows when everything could change.
9. Everything happens for a reason.
I don't know why God decided to take my dad, and I probably will never know. But God has a plan, and the heartbreak of losing my father has made me stronger than I ever could've imagined. Everything happens for a reason, and while I may not understand it or like it, it's just the way the world works.
