After getting out of a relationship and getting past the emotional side of it, it became about taking some time to be on my own. Being the girl in high school who had gone from one relationship to the next, it was a bit nerve-racking. I had just graduated from high school, and I was getting ready to go off to college, so I was in no rush to get back into a relationship. After the first year of being single, I was used to being on my own, and I found that it was no longer about finding myself and what I wanted, but it was more about getting my life together and making sure I was staying on the path I felt was right for me.
It’s easy to sulk and start getting caught up in your feelings, but the biggest lesson you can teach yourself during that time is to learn to take care of yourself in order to not feel dependent on someone else once you decide to get back into a relationship.
For me, it was all a transition period. Going from being in a relationship to being single, living at home to moving to a different city and graduating and going to a new school — it was all very new, and the only thing I could do was adjust. I took the chance to be alone and ran with it.
The first thing I worked on was to save money. I got my first job and worked on money managing like the adult I wanted to be. I got a credit card, got my direct deposit going, the works. If I was going to be an adult, I was going to go all out.
I discovered new hobbies. I always enjoyed going out on walks, but I never thought about going on real hikes and investing in the gear for it until just recently. Hiking out and being one with nature teaches you a lot. It taught me that I really love hiking and has inspired me to do and try many other things. I'm no longer afraid of heights, I rather be out in the fresh air than trapped indoors, and I would rather be surrounded by the darkness of the outdoors than blinded by the city lights.
As I look back at the last three years I’ve been single, I couldn’t be happier about it. I’ve been able to make life-changing decisions on my own without worrying who it will affect. It sounds selfish, and that’s because it is. Being single is the perfect time to be selfish in a way that will benefit you. Later on, you can worry about making decisions for the benefit of your future family. In less than a month, I decided that I didn’t want to go back to the city I was going to school in and that I wanted to stay at my full time job. I transferred schools, got a car, I have a good credit score, I’m saving for a trip to Hawaii and, most importantly, I feel fine. I've traveled and road tripped more, spent more time with my family and have learned to stay positive when things are looking low.
Some recent events in my life were causing my life a lot of stress, and I’m glad I was single in order to just change things around for me to feel better. Being single isn’t the end of the world. It can be a really good thing for yourself, and it often is. So after you “find yourself,” work on some of your goals and be the person you want to be. When someone new comes along, don’t rush into it because now you know that even if it doesn’t work out, you’re OK on your own too.
