If you were to ask my best friends where I was born, chances are, at least one of them will think I was born in America. If they were truly close to me, shouldn't they know at least where I was born? Is it their fault or am I just really good at hiding where I'm from?
I've spent six years in China and 12 years in America and I still don't know if I'm a "banana" (yellow on the outside and white on the inside) or an "egg" (white on the outside and yellow on the inside). I'm sure you've seen many news articles on struggling immigrants or "rags to riches" immigrants, but here are all the things I experienced after living in America, my second home country.
1. Being told I can't be successful if I don't have an American name.
My boss told me that no one would want to hire me in higher positions because my name is too Asian and hard to pronounce. He went on to explain the application process of how to change my name and that it should be done as soon as possible or I'll regret it. I'm sure that he may be right about it being an obstacle (sometimes), but I'd like to believe that my success won't be determined based off of my name.
2. Switching from thinking in my native language to English.
This one got me thinking a bit. When did I switch languages? Did I do it unconsciously or did I just feel like thinking in English one day? If I continued to think in my native language, would I be acting in a different way? How would that have affected my life?
3. Feeling lonely during holidays.
I haven't seen my cousins since I was five years old and they only know me as the "American" cousin. Holidays can be sad for me. I'm as extroverted as it can get and the more people around, the happier I am. So when Christmas comes around, it's pretty emotional knowing that I can't spend it with my family back in my hometown.
4. Trying to go by the standards of two countries.
In Asia, the tanner you are, the less attractive you are. In America, the tanner you are, the more attractive you are. The thought process behind this is that if you're pale in Asia, then you're able to take good care of your skin and you're not a country bum. You can find women carrying umbrellas out on sunny days and even cloudy days because they're afraid of getting a tan. Seems pretty crazy for Americans, but every country is different. Asians will think it's absurd to go out in the sun and purposely get tan. Ethnocentrism has always been a problem.
5. Feeling insecure with bringing food my mom makes.
When I used to bring Chinese food to school, it always got the most attention out of everyone's meal. It wasn't because they wanted my food though, it was because they were curious. There's nothing wrong with curiosity, but you can tell by the tone in one's voice whether they're genuinely interested in the food or grossed out.
6. Getting special treatment in my hometown.
When I go back to visit my hometown, everyone knows me as the girl that lives in America. You're looked at differently and treated differently. I don't mean this in a bad way necessarily. It just means you might stand out from the crowd and it really depends on the individual on whether they like that or not.
7. Getting laughed at for the way I pronounce words.
There are certain memories that I can remember very well. One of them being in first grade when I pronounced the word "backpack" like "packpack." It sounds silly, but it made me very insecure. The people who had made fun of me for it did it for several years after that and it stuck in my head. Even now, the way I pronounce certain words are wrong because I learned it from my parents who struggle with pronouncing words right. Some of my close friends think I still have a small accent, but most people say I don't.
8. Being restricted from things I took for granted.
America truly does offer a lot of freedom for its citizens. In China, there are many things that you can't access that you use every day. Facebook, Youtube, Instagram, and Google are one of the many sites blocked in China. Movies like "Avatar" and shows like "Big Bang Theory" are also blocked for interesting reasons. Out of all the things that are restricted from Chinese citizens, the Tiananmen Square Massacre is arguably one of the most controversial ones. Not only is it taken out of Chinese textbooks, over 100 terms surrounding this event has been blocked from internet searches.
