Don’t panic, but the world’s leading drug trafficker Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán has escaped from a maximum-security facility in Mexico. According to Mexico's National Security Commission, he escaped through a tunnel built in his shower around 8:52 p.m. on July 11th. There is a 60 million pesos reward for his capture, so if you’re strapped for cash that might be a good idea.
El Chapo is the guy credited with raising Mexico’s status as a producer, rather than just a barren wasteland Columbia had to go through to get to the U.S.A. It's kind of like Indiana on the way to Disney World.
His cartel, the Sinaloa, didn’t get so successful overnight. Chapo spent the entire 80s basically interning for Miguel Félix, leader of the then-most powerful Guadalajara Cartel. Once that cartel fell apart, Chapo and his cronnies took over. He is said to be incredibly ambitious and follows a special business model: kill any smuggler that is late with shipments, tries to cheat him or starts working for another cartel.
He’s a pretty big deal in the U.S., too, due to the fact that the U.S. is the biggest consumer of drugs internationally. In 2013, Chicago named him Public Enemy Number One, which also happens to be my title after margarita Tuesday.
Despite attempts to extradite El Chapo to the U.S. on several charges, he was sentenced and imprisoned in Mexico in February 2014. This was his second time being imprisoned in Mexico. He escaped July 11 through a tunnel in his shower. This was his second time escaping from prison in Mexico.
There is a manhunt for Chapo going on as we speak, however I would like to focus on what he might be doing while in hiding.
Vacationing in Cabo
This would be so déjà vu for the Mexican military if he were to be caught. During his 2014 capture, he was staying in a beachfront condo in the resort area of Mazatlán while on vacation with his wife. I would like to think she hasn’t waited around for him while he was incarcerated, so this time he probably brought some of the guys instead. And where better to go with your besties than Cabo.
Penning his memoirs
El Chapo has had a really hard life. I mean, his name literally means "The Shorty" (in case you haven’t bothered to google translate it yet). In addition to his unfortunate stature (5’6), he grew up in a rural town with zero opportunities besides cattle ranching, never made it past the third grade and was beaten by his dad regularly. In some ways, he really did beat the odds.
Being a family man
He is thought to have had at least four spouses and produced ten children. Bare in mind that ten is the absolute minimum estimation because some women may not want their child to end up in the drug cartels and therefore do not disclose paternity. However, a few of his sons are in the family business, confirming the fact that he is, indeed, a family man. He is currently married to Emma Coronel Aispuro, 25, with whom he has twin daughters.
Subtweeting Donald Trump
Like many others, Chapo hates Donald Trump and wants the world to know, via Twitter. In response to Trump’s tweet regarding how he would handle the situation with Chapo, a twitter account in the cartel leader’s name tweeted back that Trump will “eat his words” if he continues to speak against him. The account also calls Trump a lousy white faggot. Don’t lose any sleep for Donald, though, because he has majorly increased his security in response to the threats. A little self-absorbed to think that you are the number one priority of the world’s most important drug trafficker, don’t you think?
A word of advice to Chapo, try a subtweet next time. American’s prefer a more passive aggressive approach.
Four days out from his escape, Chapo could be literally anywhere, maybe doing these things. There is also a possibility he went right back to business after prison. Only time will tell.
