Coming back from months at school means that there is lots of time unaccounted for in your family’s eyes. They only mean well, but mostly it seems to be the same questions…over and over…

Here, I share some of the common ones and my thought process when I hear them.

1. "How's school going?"

This one’s the classic opening. Typically it comes from the family member that is close enough to know that you are attending school and feels obligated enough to ask how it’s going. To this, you’ll likely say “good” or “alright”, hoping they’ll ask further, more specific questions so you’ll know how to form a less awkward. Or, if you’re lucky, they’ll just drop the topic all together.

2. "Do you have any homework?"

The dreaded question. This one is actually a trick. If you say no, they won’t believe you and it’ll make it seem like you’re not getting a thorough education. However, if you say yes they’ll hound you with further questions in the future regarding the progress you are making. There’s no winning. It’s likely that you tried your best to avoid having work over the break but you a) put off doing it early because you knew you’d have time to do it over break or b) had that teacher that assigned something at the last minute.

3. "Have you made any friends, darling?"

This goes hand-in-hand with “how are you getting along with your roommates?” and “are you being social?”. It’s actually another trick question. If you say no, you sound sad and lonely. If you say yes, your family members are automatically going to assume that you are out all night partying and never getting any work done. There’s no winning with this one either.

4. "Do you have a significant other yet?"

Very similar to the last question. You’re going to get prodded with further questions and life advice no matter how you answer this. So, if you’ve answered any of the other trick questions up until this point, it may just be best to stuff your face with turkey now and act like you didn’t hear the question.

5. "How long until you graduate?"

Every student knows, almost to the month, the time until they graduate. The reason your family doesn’t know is because they don’t have the wake up at the butt-crack of dawn, go to class, go to another class, go to a lab, find time to eat, participate in clubs or sports, socialize (if you’re into that kind of thing) and then stay up until the butt-crack of dawn doing the work for the classes the next day. Go ahead, tell them how long - they’re going to forget by winter break anyway.

6. "What's your major?"

This is the first in a series of questions. It’s a fair question but, if you’ve told them repeatedly before, their forgetfulness is due to similar reasoning as described above – they’re not the one studying it. If you’re lucky, you have a major that is pretty self-explanatory. For example, an engineering major or an education major. If you’re unlucky, like me and many others, your major makes absolutely no sense when you first hear it and you’re hit with the follow-up question…

7. "...what does that mean"

There are probably those of you out there that have the answer to this question memorized, rehearsed, and down pat. It’s not a joke when I tell you that one of my first assignments freshman year was to read a paper about how the people in my field of study aren’t really even sure how to define the field of study. So, whenever I get to this question I try to string together an impressive series of words, emphasizing “pre-med”, “clinical”, and “laboratory”, cause those seem to get me some impressed looks.

8. "...why would you choose that one?"

Here we go. Observe: a college student, unsure of what they want to do with their life, must explain the major they have chosen to shape the rest of their life.

9. "...how are you going to make a career out of that?"

The truth is: we don’t know if we are going to be able to find a career in our field or what that career will even be. So, most of this response is full of speculation and sprinkled with dashes of hope and ignorance.

10. "Bet you wish cafeteria food tasted this good, huh?"

Easy answer: absolutely not! Do you know how much I would eat if the cafeteria food was actually good? I would have to be rolled to class!

Despite hearing the same things whenever we go back, I think I speak for most college students when I say that it's still great to be home. Now hand me the sweet potatoes!