Throughout the entirety of our lives we form and lose connections with others. But sometimes, that's exactly the thing I hate. Relationships can be temporary, fake, or even toxic. Everyone knows how hard it is to find the right people. We have all had a fallout with one or more people we used to call "friends." It's not just that though.
Relationships are tricky, they always have been, whether it's with family, friends, or a lover. People can come into and out of our lives as they please. It almost seems as if nothing is permanent. Friends lose touch and couples go their separate ways. The people you had once loved have now become strangers. That alone terrifies me. Sometimes you meet someone and they actually take interest in you. They get to know you and you let them. You might reveal personal stuff about you, things you would never tell anyone else. You let them into your mind, your heart. So once that connection is ripped away, of course it's going to hurt. Have you ever ended a relationship and thought, "I wish I hadn't opened up to them," or even, "I wish I had never met them?" No wonder it is hard to trust people. They constantly break us from time to time and there's no avoiding it.
That's the thing about relationships, it can always seem like a risk. Will you betray me? Leave me? Will you eventually get bored of me? These are terribly negative thoughts, but at times they can feel very real in our heads. When people do that- when they leave you in one way or another, it hurts and you never forget the way it does. So much that we never want to feel it again. We suddenly feel the need to protect ourselves. The only way to do this is keep our guard up. It's great to find amazing people that get you and are there for you, the type of people you want to let your guard down for. But what if you let your guard down again and get hurt? So the negative thoughts come back and it becomes a viscous cycle within your own brain.
I believe that every person that comes into your life leaves a mark on you in one way or another. Maybe someone does choose to leave your life and you still love them- that's definitely going to leave a harsh mark. When people leave marks on us, we remember. We live with invisible scars on our hearts that we've managed to heal overtime and maybe a couple tubs of ice cream.
People don't want to get marked. I can't blame em. Because when you spend a life time sharing your personal thoughts and making memories with someone, you never expect them to leave. But they can and sometimes do. Then all of a sudden you feel that pit in your stomach. Where did everything go wrong? You think of the things you could've done to prevent them from giving up on you, leaving you. But the reality is sometimes it's meant to happen. If they left you, then let them leave. A true friend would never choose to leave you, even when things get hard. We like to see the good in people, but we have to force ourselves to see the bad too.
"Yeah, I used to know her."
"We don't talk anymore."
"It's a long story."
We have to learn to let go of people even when we still immensely care for them, even still love them. Don't waste your time on people that won't bother budging. You'll be happy you didn't stay hung up on the ones who wronged you. It may be painful, but it is necessary. You might realize you miss the memories more than the actual person and you think you've known them this whole time only for them to prove you wrong.
But you know what hurts just as bad? Not being able to trust people. Being closed off. Feeling insecure. Feeling scared, afraid of what might happen. Living life in fear is no way to live. I'm not saying you can't have any fears because we all do. Live and don't let your fears weigh you down, keep you from living your life. Analyze your own negative thoughts and go to others when you need to. Sometimes receiving reassurance from the people you care about is more comforting than anything else. Because despite all those marks people left on you, there are going to be people who stay and you'll be glad you let them in instead of imagining the worst.
