Sometime around prom time, there was a photo circulating on social media of a young black girl in her prom dress. It was a fabulous dress. Not your normal prom dress, this one was exceptional. It was the sort of dress you might expect to see on Naomi Campbell or Heidi Klum. This was a strappy, sexy, barely there dress. The girl looked beautiful. She was stunning.
What really caught my attention about this photo were the comments that people were making. Here was an 18-year-old young woman going to participate in one of the most memorable nights of her life, and all people could do was sexualize her and make inappropriate comments on her dress.
Why is it that society allows for the clothing that people wear define them? Why is it that we look at an 18-year-old and make assumptions about her sexuality, economic status, family structure, and morality? Why did she have to be a slut, a thot, easy, sexually promiscuous, or asking to be raped? Why did the commenters have to insult her integrity, her family, her moral values and her fashion sense?
Did anyone ever stop to consider that this young girl might be graduating in a few days? Maybe she’s the top of her class? Graduating with honors? Maybe she was accepted into an Ivy League college?
When many people look at young women today they automatically begin to sexualize them. They look at their physical features as something to stare at, cat call, critique or criticize. They are being treated and seen as sexual objects.
Flash back to a few weeks ago… I’m watching the Olympics. Swimming. Someone in the rooms says, “Wow, those suits are sexy!” Wait a minute! What about how strong and athletic this young woman, this Olympian is? What about the records she has broken? What about the medals she has won? What about the fact that she has done all of that and still attended college, had a successful career or raised a family? How did becoming the fastest, the strongest, the most decorated athlete become diminished by how big her butt is, how large her breast are or how sexy her suit is?
Last week, I started school. During the very first few days of school, the Dean thinks it’s important to make an announcement over the intercom to remind all of the female students about appropriate attire for school. There was no mention of sagging pants that show buttocks and butt cracks. That could distract the girls from their studies, right? What about tight shirts that show off the young men’s muscles or tight pants that show so much more? How are the girls and their clothing choices somehow the only distraction in a school of 3000 students? When these girls get up in the morning, it is probably not their intentions to break the rules, distract the boys or bring negative attention to themselves.
And why are we slut-shaming young women for their desired choice in fashion? Why are we beating them down for feeling comfortable in their own skin? Why are we not lifting them up, helping them become more courageous and creative women? Why are we not holding the men responsible for their negative comments and sexualized actions towards these young women?
The deeper question is, why are we not teaching our young men to respect women? Every man should treat every woman as if she were his mother, daughter or his sister. Think about it….
