They say your dad is the first man you will have unconditional love. They also say you will end up marrying a man that resembles your father (personality wise). For me, I haven’t found a man like that yet, and to be honest, I am not in a rush. Good things come with time and from a recent experience, I know for sure I am willing to wait it out.
I grew up with both my parents in my life, and I have never seen a healthier relationship other than the one between them. They are going on a strong 25-year marriage, and I keep reminding myself, "That is the kind of love I want to have someday.”
Of course they fight, don’t always see eye-to-eye and, disagree on things, but that is the beautiful part. At the end of the day, they still see through the flaws and arguments. My parents are best friends who pull pranks, call each other names and act sarcastic with one another. They also have a sweet side to their relationship where some may tell them they are relationship goals.
This past year was a roller coaster ride for me in my relationship. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep, I laid awake contemplating who I was now and not liking at all who I was becoming. I changed a lot for someone I thought I loved. As I stepped back and took a look from an outside perspective, I realized I had settled.
I settled for someone who controlled me and belittled me. I settled for someone who bought my love. I settled for a person who fed me nothing but lies. I settled for a person who compared me to other women instead of making me feel like the only woman in their world. I settled to fight for a spot.
My dad has never done that to my mom. He loves my mom for everything that she is. My dad was the first man to show me compassion and how to love other human beings. I learned that the boy I was seeing wasn’t the right fit for me and wasn’t worth all the mental abuse. I knew my dad would be heart broken to hear that his daughter let a boy change who she is as a person.
Regardless, my dad still loves me. He loves me even though I made a mistake, but also because I realized what I was allowing someone to treat me less than I deserved.
Throughout this heartbreak, I learned two lessons. Two I think every girl and women can learn from whether in a relationship, not or even going through a breakup. The first being, keep in mind the first male in your life that ever showed you compassion and how to love individuals. It could be an uncle, a brother or even a friend. Mine just so happened to be my dad, but I know this isn’t the case for everyone. Remember what they taught you so you wouldn’t lose yourself.
The second lesson: Do not ever settle for anyone. Don’t just deal with how someone is making you feel. You deserve to be treated well and not have to completely change yourself for someone. Apart of loving someone is accepting them for who they are-everything.
Dad, thank you for being the first and only man so far to show me true compassion <3
