We all have an understanding of the fact that back to school shopping is different now than it was when we were in third grade. Just for fun, here's an official Then vs. Now shopping list so both you and your thriving inner child can start the new school year off feeling fabulous.

You will need:

1. Something to write on

Then: Five composition notebooks.

Now: One book of fragile paper you hand-made at an environmental awareness workshop. Ever since you watched Cowspiracy you’ve been super conscious of your carbon footprint. That combined with the fact that your favorite earthy lesbian on Youtube was hosting said workshop. She was much shorter in person and smelled a lot like soil.

2. Something to write with

Then: Ballpoint pens.

Now: Ballpoint pens.

3. Something to put everything in

Then: A sturdy, supportive backpack.

Now: A wheelbarrow with four of your closest friends in it.

4. Something to show everyone how cool you are

Then: A Rubik’s Cube. You’ve never solved it and you’re not really planning on learning how to. But Sophia with the pig tails only likes kids who run fast and play with Rubik’s Cubes, and now you’re halfway there.

Now: A premium double-cartridge vape pen. When you’re puffing “tropical bitch”-flavored smoke downwind people will definitely think you’re the cooliest.

5. Something to cheat the system

Then: Recycled bathroom passes and forged permission slips.

Now: College textbook pdf files.

http://ruinedchildhood.tumblr.com/post/14866493357...

You’re welcome.

6. Something to hide other things in

Then: Hollowed-out books and the underside of your mattress.

Now: A pill bottle with a rock glued on its head. Look:

Now you can keep all your priceless family recipes safe.

7. Something to create with

Then: A 64-pack of washable markers and glitter glue.

Now: Illustrating software like Maya or a free tool like Stykz. These might be helpful in your Western Medicinal 3D Graphics class, but they’re mostly so you can make weird shit in your free time. Like this:

Credit: Qieer Wang on Giphy

Or this:

Credit: whateverbeclever on Giphy

8. Something that dings

Then: Your very own CELL PHONEEEEAAAAAAAAA

Make sure you tie a super cute purple sparkly shoelace to it and hang it around your neck so it won’t fly away.

Now: Some smartphone and two burner phones.

9. Something that sings

Then: A musical Hannah Montana toothbrush. You get the limo out front. . . ooh-wa-ooh.

Now: A portable speaker so you can spread the word of God (our most handsome and only pasta maker) on your way to Feminist Printmaking.

10. Something to snack on

Then: Crushed Cheez-Its® at the bottom of your backpack.

Now: Homemade fruit leather. Ever since you watched Cowspiracy you’ve been super conscious of your carbon footprint....

11. Something to get around on

Then: A Razor scooter personalized with Futurama stickers on the handles.

Now: A drop deck longboard. Yeah, that’s something you decided to take up in college. Some might say you’re not very “good” at skating but those snap-stories of just your feet on a moving board are something you wouldn’t trade for the world.