Last year, I compiled a list of all the gifts you could get the ones you love for a variety of budgets. This year, I thought I’d change speeds and offer up my collection of the worst gifts you could get anyone. 2017 hasn’t been a good year for anyone, so why should your holiday gifts reflect anything different? Here are the absolute worst gifts you can those in your life to remind them that we’re all 1/8,000,000,000 pieces of flesh existing on a spinning rock for, like, maybe seventy years before we don’t anymore. Happy holidays!
For the friend that never gets your Vine references
milk and vine, amazon.com
Education is a gift in of itself, and if you were in your friend's shoes, would you want to be stumbling blindly through life, wondering why no one will explain what Vine references everyone but them is laughing at. Help them. Show them the way.
For the friend that deserves a rude awakening every morning
Pretty Swe*ry Mug, society6.com
Some friends wake up on the wrong side of the bed every day. I know, because I am that friend. Give them a subtle reminder not to interact with the world until they've finished whatever's in that cup. Unless they're not a coffee drinker, in which case: drop them because they're crazy.
For the friend that is so far behind on the times
Friends: The Complete Series Box Set, amazon.com
Yes, it is on Amazon and yes, it is $65. But the fact that you're buying this for them really makes a statement. Besides, if they don't watch the seminal show, Friends, airing on NBC from 1994 to 2004, starring six friends living in New York City making their way through the ups and downs that come with being in your twenties and thirties, how will you be able to tell which Friend you are? (P.S. I'm a Monica.)
For the friend who you’ve been meaning to tell that you’re not really friends anymore
A Good Meme, priceless
I'm not even going to make a joke because this was just mean.
For the friend that peaked in high school
One Direction Four, amazon.com
This CD will take them back to a time when they were actually relevant. Four will take everyone back to better days, when One Direction was still together and everything was right in the world. Guys, I'm about to buy Four for myself.
For the friend actually had a good year
A lump of coal, worthless
Listen, I hate to be "That Girl" but I'm just come right out and say it: screw this friend. Name one good thing besides Fiona the Hippo, females kicking literal ass in the cinematic box office this year, and the possibility of Vine 2.0 that happened this year. Your friend deserves trash like the rest of us, and it's on you to give that gift to them.
Bah humbug and happy new year!
