The Worst Gifts To Get Your Friends This Holiday Season

The Worst Gifts To Get Your Friends This Holiday Season

'Tis the season to meme the ones you love.

Last year, I compiled a list of all the gifts you could get the ones you love for a variety of budgets. This year, I thought I’d change speeds and offer up my collection of the worst gifts you could get anyone. 2017 hasn’t been a good year for anyone, so why should your holiday gifts reflect anything different? Here are the absolute worst gifts you can those in your life to remind them that we’re all 1/8,000,000,000 pieces of flesh existing on a spinning rock for, like, maybe seventy years before we don’t anymore. Happy holidays!

For the friend that never gets your Vine references

milk and vine,

Education is a gift in of itself, and if you were in your friend's shoes, would you want to be stumbling blindly through life, wondering why no one will explain what Vine references everyone but them is laughing at. Help them. Show them the way.

For the friend that deserves a rude awakening every morning

Pretty Swe*ry Mug,

Some friends wake up on the wrong side of the bed every day. I know, because I am that friend. Give them a subtle reminder not to interact with the world until they've finished whatever's in that cup. Unless they're not a coffee drinker, in which case: drop them because they're crazy.

For the friend that is so far behind on the times

Friends: The Complete Series Box Set,

Yes, it is on Amazon and yes, it is $65. But the fact that you're buying this for them really makes a statement. Besides, if they don't watch the seminal show, Friends, airing on NBC from 1994 to 2004, starring six friends living in New York City making their way through the ups and downs that come with being in your twenties and thirties, how will you be able to tell which Friend you are? (P.S. I'm a Monica.)

For the friend who you’ve been meaning to tell that you’re not really friends anymore

A Good Meme, priceless

I'm not even going to make a joke because this was just mean.

For the friend that peaked in high school

One Direction Four,

This CD will take them back to a time when they were actually relevant. Four will take everyone back to better days, when One Direction was still together and everything was right in the world. Guys, I'm about to buy Four for myself.

For the friend actually had a good year

A lump of coal, worthless

Listen, I hate to be "That Girl" but I'm just come right out and say it: screw this friend. Name one good thing besides Fiona the Hippo, females kicking literal ass in the cinematic box office this year, and the possibility of Vine 2.0 that happened this year. Your friend deserves trash like the rest of us, and it's on you to give that gift to them.

Bah humbug and happy new year!

Cover Image Credit: Michael Bergmann

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If Basic College Majors Were Their Already-Failed New Year's Resolutions

These were all set up to be major failures, anyway.

February is off to the races, and for most of us, that means our New Year's Resolutions have already been broken numerous times. Your major gives a lot of insight into what type of person you are, what resolutions you set and which you've already broken, so let's see what you've failed this year, shall we?

Journalism: "I'm going to journal every night!"

Yeah, you love writing and documenting your life in a journal seems like a great idea! The story of your life, right?! Wrong. Your life is boring and writing "went to class and six meetings today" is not great journal material.

Communication: "I'm going to call my family once a week!"

Communicating with people is your major, so this one makes a ton of sense until it is Sunday night on week three and you realize you haven't called anyone yet.

Pre-Med: "I'm going to get more sleep!"

Who are you kidding? You're studying to be a freaking doctor, you don't get sleep.

Business: "I'm going to budget and spend less money!"

At least you understand the value of money, but you're still a pizza and alcohol-loving college student. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Public Relations: "I'm going to cut back on the coffee!"


Education: "I'm going to be more patient!"

You're so close until a tiny child talks back to you at 8 o'clock in the morning and you realize this is not the profession for patience goals.

Music: "I'm going to learn a new hobby!"

You already know an instrument which is more than most can say. Why learn some other cool talent at this point?

Nursing: "I'm going to drink eight cups of water a day!"

You know water is so good for you, but after clinicals, four exams and about seven hours of homework, you really just need coffee and vodka in an IV.

Political Science: "I'm going to be more civil on social media!"

Well, if people posted less ignorant things I wouldn't have to educate them...

Psychology: "I'm going to manage my stress better!"

Day two and you're already stress eating and crying in campus bathrooms, but at least you understand the theories as to why this is happening to you.

Dietetics: "I'm going to eat super healthily!"

Just because your major is all about living a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean that you can't appreciate an entire pizza or five.

Computer Science: "I'm going to be more productive!"

It is hard to be productive when you know how to do hundreds of cool things on your computer, AND make it look like you're taking notes while doing it.

Exercise Science: "I'm going to go to the gym six times a week!"

You know it's good for you. You know the benefits. But damn it if your bed isn't also good for you.

History: "I'm going to live in the moment!"

Well, you're a history major for a reason.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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Christmas Of Remembrance Series: My Last Letter

Christmas time is not about the gifts... It is about something far, far more special.


Dear Reader,

Thank you for your time.

This is a series that I have dedicated to those I have loved and lost. It was merely a thought, then an idea, and now a realized creation. Christmas time… all winter really is a hard time for me. It holds this duality in my life of being both my favorite and also my least favorite and difficult time of year. It has been that way for years now.

In a way, this series aids my closure and healing further, and it allows me to tell my story in a way that, to me, is less scary (one of the many great facets of this platform). It was never my intention to write this in order to reach people, or encourage people, or serve as an inspiration to anyone. This was for me and only me. No one else. But, if these pieces of writing do impact someone, somewhere, or make them feel encouraged or inspired in some way or another, or just simply make them feel, then I hope you have enjoyed them. If I can make someone feel, then I guess I have done my job.

The life of an artist is often an uncertain one. The life of a human is a trying one. But life is a journey, and all journeys have their trials. Their tests. Their triumphs and rewards. And they all have their losses. What matters most is what you make of all of it. What lessons you learn. What changes you make. What life you create for yourself. What art you create because of it all. It can be very, very hard. But it can all be glorious at the same time.

At the heart of this series, my words, there is this deep and valuable belief of mine: Christmas (or the Winter Holiday that you may celebrate) is so much more about presents and cooking and shopping and all that other bullshit… it is about family.

The family that is related by blood. The family that surrounds your heart. Your Mom. Your brother. Your dearest friends. The bonds that make life valuable. Worth living. These bonds are soulful bonds, ones that are far more special than any mere trivial object. So… be with them. Forgive. Forget. Heal. Mend what is broken. Reassemble what has been shattered. And stop worrying so much. Laugh together. Cry together. Heal on another. Heal together. And may your new days be better, brighter, and full of love.

Happy Holidays.


A song for you...

"Sense of Home" — Harrison Storm / YouTube

If you liked this series, I invite you to check out my previous article below…

To My Fellow 孤, The Sons Without Fathers On Father’s Day

As well as this article by a fellow creator…

What You Learn Losing A Parent So Young

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