I've never felt more at home than when I'm in the water. The water always speaks to me, whispering through the slow rolling of the tide. Nobody understands my fascination; mama couldn't swim and neither of my two brothers could either. They say that they're scared of the water. It's too deep, it can swallow you up. I can't swim either, but I can float and I can feel, and that's good enough.
I'm alone. I stand at the water's edge as the night current washes the water over my feet. It's dark out, the only light is coming from the moon. The moon is big and bright. It's a full moon; mama says that a full moon makes people act crazy, but I just think it's beautiful. I wonder what God was thinking when He went and made the moon. The moon, it has phases. Sometimes it's dark and we can't see it, and sometimes it's full and shining in its glory. But even when it lights up the sky, it still doesn't have true light. It's the sun's beaming reflecting on the moon. The moon is just a big rock. Still, we credit a rock with making people crazy. They say the wolf men howl at the moon, but I never understood why the wolf men didn't stop all that howling for a minute and listen to what the moon was saying back. I hear the moon. The moon controls the tide, and the tide, it speaks to me.
I walk into the water, I know it's not safe, but that just makes me want to keep walking even more. The water is cool and sharp, yet somehow refreshing on my skin. It's leveled at my waist, I dip my body under. I lay on my back and float. I can't swim, but I can float and I can feel, and that's good enough. I'm not far from the shore, but the tide is high, and the water is deep. I know that mama will still be able to see me from shore. I know she'll come looking for me soon. She's afraid of the water though, so she won't come in after me. I smile. Mama, she does the best she can, but she doesn't feel like home anymore. This, the water, is home.
I close my eyes and I float. I imagine what it would be like to be a mermaid, living under the water. In The Little Mermaid, Ariel wanted so badly to be apart of our world, but I'd give anything to be apart of hers. I still hear the moon talking to me through the water, it's telling me something, I'm trying to decipher. I think it's telling me to come home.
I can't swim, but I can float and I can feel, and that's good enough.
I pull my head underneath the surface, and I feel the water consume me. I feel the air leave my lungs. I feel my instinct to survive kicking in, I try to pull myself to the surface. I'm frantically trying to pull myself up, but the tide is high and the water is deep. I am drowning. I feel the pain of having no oxygen. I feel the pain of dying. Until finally, I feel nothing. My body is floating. I am home in the water.
Mama says that a full moon makes people act crazy, but I just think it's beautiful.