Most, if not all of us women have unfortunately faced street harassment at some point in our lives. Sometimes the comments about our looks or our bodies, other times it's inappropriate proposals; sometimes it's unwarranted requests and pet names, sometimes it consists of us being followed, sometimes it's crude gestures, and sometimes it's just a pleasantry.

All of these are unpleasant to be faced with, but a whole other problem comes in when a woman is faced with a pleasantry or a supposed compliment, or someone saying “Are you alright?” Many have seen the videos of women walking through the streets of New York and we see all of the men that make comments and advancements towards her. Something that really bothered me when I watched these videos is that some people in the comments section would say, "some of those men were just trying to be nice." The woman gets criticized for being uncomfortable or not engaging because what the man said was just him “trying to be nice.” However, he was not being nice, and here is why.

When a woman is walking down the street, just minding her own business, trying to get where she is going, and not looking at a man, it is not his place to just go and start talking to her or to try to start a conversation with her. She was not acknowledging him, she was just going about her day; so, she is not therefore required to respond. People excuse harassment by saying “he was just being nice” when a man says hello to a woman on the street or tells her to smile and that she’s beautiful, or to have a great day.

But here’s the thing: the street is not the appropriate setting for any of these things; a street is a place where people are just trying to get where they want to go without interference. If the woman was not acknowledging the man in any way, then that means she is not looking for any of his commentaries, no matter what it may be. He is not being nice, he is interfering with her day. If she were to be looking at him as well and they smile and exchange pleasantries, or if he is legitimately asking for directions or something then that is fine. But to just shout any sort of comment or pleasantry to a woman or get in her face and say it to her when she is just minding her own business is inappropriate. And to demand that a woman smile, or do anything in any similar context, is uncalled for. These things are not a compliment, they are street harassment–and they do not make women happy. No one, man or woman, wants to deal with these things.

There is also the matter of people yelling from their cars. I have faced this countless times myself. I like to walk. Where I live there are not many sidewalks, and I am always walking alongside busy roads where cars are constantly zooming past so I have had all sorts of things yelled at me, from “Hey, how’s it going?” to “Nice tits,” to “Boycott Verizon.” I have also had cars slow down next to me numerous times. Sometimes it has been someone just asking for directions, and that is fine because it was innocent and each time they didn’t just creep up but made it clear that they had a question. Sometimes they were just lurking and I either hurried away or stared them down with my phone in hand until they drove off. And sometimes men have stopped their cars next to me to ask me if I’m alright. People would say that they were being nice. However, they were not being nice, they were scaring me. A car slowing down next to you is always unsettling because you don’t know if someone is going to pop out and grab you, and you don't know what they want. I WAS alright–until they slowed down next to me when I was just minding my own business. This has happened to me more than once.

One time this happen was in my senior year of high school. I was walking to school and I was on a part of the path that is surrounded by greenery, cut off from the main road. A car going the same way as me stopped, as soon as it happened my heart started racing because I didn’t know why or what this person was going to do. In it was an old man smoking a cigar who looked at me, looked back in his car and said “Are you alright?” It sounded to me like he had said: “Do you want a ride?” It scared me so I immediately said no. He continued to speak and I asked “What?” and he said “Are you alright?” I just said “Yes, I’m fine.” He nodded and continued driving. I however, was left feeling freaked out. I was just walking. I was not injured, I was not signaling anything, I was not in any distress, I was just walking and minding my own business. This man had no reason to stop his car and ask me if I was alright, and when he initially stopped his car, I was scared that something horrible could potentially happen. All he did was frighten me; that is not being nice.

Another instance was during my sophomore year of college. I like to go for walks around my campus and my town just as I do at home. One time, I was walking behind the sports fields, listening to music when a man stopped his car next to me to ask me if I was alright. Once again, I was not injured, nor was I signaling anything, I was simply walking and staring ahead while listening to music. I told him “I’m fine, keep driving.” He asked me how I was doing. I said “I’m fine, you can go now.” He said “You don’t have to be like that, I’m a nice guy.” I said “Good for you, goodbye now.” He remained for several seconds just staring at me and holding up the cars behind him before speeding off. There was no reason for him to stop his car and no reason for him to stop me. It was not an appropriate setting and it only made me uncomfortable.

There is a difference between being nice and saying something that would be nice when in the appropriate context but in the moment is just being obnoxious. Street harassment is harassment because it is unprovoked and unwelcome interference and commentary in another person's life. It doesn't matter what is being said; when a woman is just minding her own business and she is clearly not in distress, giving no indication that she wants interaction, it is not “nice” to yell pleasantries at her, comment on her appearance, stop her, or slow your car down next to her. It is not being “nice," it is making someone uncomfortable.