So last week I was watching the 1997 movie called “Anaconda” with Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight, and Owen Wilson. First of all this was one my favorite movies growing up as a kid because not only did it have Ice Cube in it, but it also it was one of the first scary movies to seriously break scary movie boundaries. Now for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie yet, I hate to spoil the movie ending for you but I just have to. At the end Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez are two of the last survivors to survive a snake attack. Oh yeah, you heard me right. A black guy and Puerto Rican surviving a snake attack in a scary movie. Now to some people this might seem like average news, but to me I thought this was amazing! I thought this was amazing because in many scary movies they always find some way to kill off the minority in the film. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and binge watch some old scary movies on Netflix and you’ll see what I mean. The main reason I never liked this fact was because even though they were just movies, it just seemed unbelievable how a black person would get killed off by a monster or an evil ghost. In this article I’m going to explain to you the three main reasons why it’s unbelievable for black people to get killed in scary movies.
- Black people don’t play with the supernatural
- Black people like going towards danger.
- Black people hate splitting up!
While it seems cool for people in movies to play with Ouija boards in scary movies, to black people that’s not something to mess around with. I don’t know about anyone else, but a lot of black people I know grew up Christian, so we don’t mess around with that voodoo stuff. Hell, I had trouble convincing my grandma to let me watch Harry Potter, let alone summon spirits in the house. I wish I would try and summon an evil spirit in my grandma’s house; she’d probably whoop my black ass until next week. I don’t even think I would want to hang around friends who rather try and talk to evil ghosts instead of going to see a movie or something. Another fun fact: if black people know that a house is haunted by an evil spirit, we don’t stay in the house and tough it out. We get all of our shit and leave. I don’t care how nice the house is, I’m not getting killed by no ghost just because it used to be Ben Affleck’s vacation home!
Now you might see in some movies like if there’s like a trail of blood on the floor or something a white person might say, “Oh no Bill, do you see this trail of blood. Let’s go follow it to see where it leads. But black people, if we see that we’ll say, “Aw sh*t, get the keys and get to the car go, go, go!” I never understood why people would purposely go towards danger when they see stuff like that. Unless you have a gun or something, you shouldn’t be going anywhere near something you know can potentially kill you. It’s not about being scared, it’s about using a little thing called common sense. Heck if you’re so concerned, call the cops and let them deal with that crap. Some people may call you a punk for not investigating the danger, but you know one thing they won’t call you, dead!
While the whole idea of splitting up might have seemed smart in the show “Scooby Doo”, in reality I used to think this concept was so goddamn dumb. I mean come on, there’s a serial killer or monster on the loose and you want to split up. Seriously? So tell me what that might accomplish? OK, you find the killer or monster, then what? Are going to blow your special whistle to alert the group and tell the monster or killer to wait right there? No! Your ass is going to be grass and your friends won’t even know it. The reason why I never understood splitting up is because your just asking to get picked off by the killer or monster in the film. At least if we all stick together we would stand some chance against the threat. So scary movies, let’s stop that crap, OK?
