The UnDateable

I was at work in a new department and an older man (probably in his 50s) and I were just having a general get-to-know-me conversation. He says, "You haven't mentioned about having a boyfriend. You are two years from graduating; back in my day, most girls were trying to find a husband everywhere they went. Why aren't you dating anyone? You are a pretty girl, well-rounded and put together."

I just sat there, amazed that he asked me that. With a shocked and confused look on my face I politely told him, "I do not feel like it. Mainly, because the male species in today's time are either gay or want to bounce from girl to girl. Also, I'm just an awkward person." As soon as that came out of my mouth I wanted to take it back, but I knew it was true: I was undateable.

1. The only people I answer to are God, my parents and the pizza delivery man.

And occasionally a friend when I know they are coming, if not, you are going to be standing there all night.

2. Meeting new people isn't my favorite hobby.

I do not care to sit in a room with your family as they silently sit there and judge me, I'll pass.

3. I enjoy my bed too much to be expected to share it.

Plus my cat sleeps on the other pillow beside me. Phoebe comes first.

4. My tolerance for stupidity is too low for today's society.

Good looks doesn't pay the bills.

5. I have an unhealthy relationships with "Friends" and "Grey's Anatomy."

For some odd reason, guys see that as girly.

6. I am a master at making a bowl of cereal and, on good days, a grilled cheese (that might come out burnt).

I am not Betty Crocker.

7. People always think that I am pissed off because I have the RBF/grumpy cat look.

I'm not mad and I do not hate you, but if you tell me to smile because I look mad then I will be mad.

8. For some odd reason, guys do not see donuts and breadsticks from Olive Garden as a full course meal.

Gains, bro, I'm trying to get you your carbs.

9. This town is way too small.

If we don't work out, I'll see you at the next party (and at the ones after that) and college parties will forever be awkward. And if you dated my friend and y'all ended badly, it will be just as awkward.

10. I have grown accompany to doing things by myself.

I can change a light bulb, I am not stupid.

11. Flirting is so awkward.

I think I missed the class on that in middle school.

12. I have the appetite of a growing teenage boy.

If we go out on a date, yes, I will order a salad, and an eight ounce steak with sides. Don't you dare forget dessert.

13. Dating requires me to take my meds.

If I forget to take my meds around you, well, let me just go ahead and start praying for your patience now.

14. It's hard enough to put up with myself.

I do not want to be responsible for dealing with you.

15. I have been perfectly fine single. Do I really need a boyfriend?

Nah, girl, you good.