For the Unborn Never Die
They don’t make graves
For unborn babies.
So where do I go
when I feel empty in the deepest way?
You sit between life and death.
Were you ever really alive to die?
You are purgatory and limbo.
The twilight of my existence.
I remember how she looked
As I asked,
When will he be born?
I felt the world.
I understood the weather was transitioning
As I watched her smile fall.
Oh, how the room went
cold and my eyes went dry.
We come from the same body.
You and I share blood and face.
When they look at me I see you reflected in their eyes.
When I look in the mirror I see you there as well.
I try to guess you
By making you with pieces of us.
Autumn belongs to you
In every moment I picture us.
No one but you owns that season.
You are my fall and my decay.
The perfect metaphor for how it feels
To think about you.
Cold and frozen at first,
But as the days go on I defrost.
Sometimes it’s just too much.
I get the urge to love you.
It overflows outside my cupped hands
With no place to put it, I sit there,
Drink it back up,
Only to cry it out again.
Do you know I love you?
Can you feel me through time and space?
What happens to the atoms of you when we let you go?
I like to think you split off, like the big bang
When they cut your red string of fate from ours.
That way I know you live forever:
The eternal autumn child.
Red moons and bleeding suns remind me
What happened wasn’t pretty.
Pouring rain and the wind screaming
Remind me how she feels knowing you are gone.
The silence that comes after reminds me
No one will ever know how you feel.
But there is no shame in you.
Every year, when the weather gets cold,
The leaves start to fall,
People bundle up,
And the holidays fill the world.
I remember.
I look around and you are beautiful.
You are twinkling lights,
Pumpkin patches,
Evergreen and crunching hot leaves
You have me praying we’ll be reborn together.
You are my greatest regret,
The grandest unrequited love.